


Normal

by MoodyAquarius



Category: Nirvana (Band)
Genre: Dave Grohl - Freeform, Dave Grohl/Kurt Cobain - Freeform, Dave/Kurt - Freeform, Krist Novoselic - Freeform, Kurt Cobain - Freeform, Kurt Cobain/Dave Grohl - Freeform, Kurt/Dave - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Nirvana (Band) - Freeform, Nirvana - Freeform, Nirvana fanfic, Nirvana fanfiction, Nirvana in the 90s, Nirvana slash fanfiction, nirvana slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-09-06 05:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16825750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoodyAquarius/pseuds/MoodyAquarius
Summary: Will you come out tonightWill you back down, will you put up a fightTurn me around and make everything rightMake me normal from now on"Normal" Foo Fighters.Snippets of the relationship between Kurt and Dave.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> of course, everything in this is my imagination, based on real people. This of course means that I own none of these characters, situations, etc. Everything is made up from my brain :)
> 
> ALSO a BIG THANKS to readers

“Yeah Gino’s is okay if you like mediocre faux-Italian crap,” Kurt snickered, entertaining himself and flicking his cigarette at Kris’ acid-washed jeans that were way too tight, “Honestly Kris I thought you had a better sense of taste than that.”

The taller brunette sighed, throwing up his white flag, “What restaurant do YOU suggest, Kurt?”

And, as if none of it mattered at all, the blonde shrugged nonchalantly, staring off at the reddening sky as it hovered over Aberdeen’s always-too-quiet homes, streets and crumbling businesses of the ghost of what was once was an attractive, bustling town with endless opportunities. Then, someday it all just died, the cash river stopped flowing. Him, Krist and all the other teens wandered the streets in the aftermath of a broken community.

“Fuck it, let’s just get something cheap somewhere then spend the rest of what we’ve got visiting The Deacon.” ‘The Deacon’ was their name for their buddy Shane, who sells them weed and showed them how to huff most household cleaning items. He reclaimed the title of ‘The Deacon’ from his father, who was a seemingly devout deacon of the local Catholic church blew his brains out three years ago when he got caught embezzling, doing drugs and cheating on his wife. Shane wasn’t too broken up about it since his dad was a grade A douchebag and treated him like shit most of his life. It was a dark name with a dark sense of humor but that’s just how things were in Aberdeen.

“Sounds perfect to me.” They walked toward Shane’s house, which was only a couple blocks away from where they were. On the way they got stopped by Randy, a local bum who buys them alcohol from time to time. Randy’s good eye was huge and crazier than usual, a wild electricity in his features, coughing, sputtering, trying to stand from his crouched position. His dog, Haggar, a shitzu who thought he was a pitbull, was howling wildly. 

“H-hey, boys! Boys, some sunnofabitch just mugged me, took my damn can of soup and Haggar’s food, stole my gloves too! I’ll lose my fingers if that bastard gets away!”

“Where’d he go?” Krist tensed.

“I can’t see dammit, but I thought I heard him get in a car.”

Kurt sighed, “Well shit, Randy, we can’t really get him if he got away in a car…” His heart ached thinking about this poor crazy old man’s fingers turning to ice during the rainy, miserable nights. He reached into his pocket, fingers brushing the creases of his twenty. If he went and bought gloves and food he wouldn’t have enough for weed, but he couldn’t just leave the poor guy here. He bit his lip, Krist scratched his head, looking perplexed with the situation.

“Here gimme a second, okay man? I’ll be right back.” Kurt began walking toward a gas station across the street, Krist followed. He caught up with Kurt, putting a hand on his shoulder, 

“Hey, it’s not really our problem, y’know, like that sucks… but…” 

Kurt felt a lump form in his throat, looking up at his friend with big, misty blue eyes, “I can’t just leave him there with nothing, man.” 

Krist nodded, “I know.” He moved his hand off Kurt’s shoulder, walking into the store with him. “You find some gloves, I’ll get some canned food or something.” 

“Make sure you get something the dog can eat too.” He really hoped twenty bucks would cover it. He walked past a candy display, finding a rack of hats, gloves and car windshield scrapers. Thumbing through the gloves he found a waterproof pair that looked really nice, he figured that would be the most practical for him since it’s always wet outside. The gloves were eleven dollars, he hoped Krist found some cheap stuff.

They met up at the register, Krist put down two cans of dog food, muttering something about a buy one get one and a premade ham sandwich and a can of pork and beans. The total came out to being 19.89, Kurt handed over his only twenty, just glad that they didn’t have to put something back. The cashier bagged their stuff, gave their change and they left, walking across the street, which was hardly ever busy with cars, over to poor old Randy.

Haggar had calmed down but stood at attention when the boys returned with a bag in their hands. Randy looked up with his good eye. “Did’ya get him?” He coughed roughly, sputtering into his tattered blanket he held around his shoulders.

“No, but we got you some new gloves and some food for the night.” Kurt took the gloves out of the bag, ripping the tag off and helping the old man slip his gnarled, arthritic fingers into them. Krist put the can of pork and beans in his lap and set the two cans of dog food aside, offering, 

“Do you want me to cut these open?”

Randy just nodded, refusing to meet their faces, staring at the ground. Krist got out his pocket knife, puncturing the can and cutting around the edges. Once they got the cans open, they stepped back, watching Haggar tear into that food fast as he could, while Randy set the can of food aside, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kurt knew he was too proud to say anything so he just offered, “See ya later.” 

They began walking away when Randy grumbled something to himself, looking up and watching them leave, looking down at his nice new gloves, feeling his eyes tear up but refusing to let anyone see it, picking up his can of food and watching them turn a corner, walking out of sight.

“Deacoooon!” Kurt called as he pounded on the basement door. Someone inside scrambled, shouting, 

“Shut the fuck up!” 

Krist and Kurt began chanting in unison, “Deacon, Deacon, Deacon!” until he opened the door, thick eyebrows pulled over his deep brown eyes in frustration. 

“Fuck, you two are annoying.” He moved out of the doorway, “Well come on in you bastards.” Krist went first, walking through the laundry room into his chill zone, the basement living room which glowed in black light, every table top had a lava lamp and every wall a felt glow in the dark poster. 

“Want a drink, guys?” He poured two glasses for him and Krist, then reached into his mini fridge to get Kurt’s drink, smiling and handing it to him, “For you.” Kurt took it, smiling back and sipping at it. They all chatted and drank for a while, standing around his makeshift bar.

The Deacon was twenty-three, which made him the authority on all drugs, sex, etc. and Kurt and Krist naturally looked up to him, as they were only teenagers, Kurt being sixteen and Krist eighteen. After his father had passed, Shane’s mother begged him to move back in with her so he did on the condition that the basement belonged to him, which Kurt thought was a pretty sweet deal, considering his living situation.

“So you guys wanna huff or smoke first?” 

“Smoke.”

“Smoke.”

“Sweet, I already have a bowl loaded.” He led them to the couches, which were plastic blow up couches that they guessed he only got for the look because sitting on them felt like sitting on an unstable balloon. Kurt and Krist sat together on the love seat while Deacon plopped down in his bean bag chair he kept directly in front of his record player. Another big reason he was cool was his music taste, it ranged from psychedelic to punk to new age and Kurt was really into it. He also liked the way that stubble accented Shane’s features, distinguishing him from teenager to man, Kurt wished it would happen for him sooner. He took a hit from the bowl as it was passed to him, still watching, admiring Shane as he and Krist got into a conversation about God, etc. 

Shane also sported tattoos, he often wore loose tank tops that showed glimpses of his heavily tattooed body, a rebellion against his father no doubt. Most of his pieces were traditional black and grey, devil symbolism, roses, guns, dragons. Lots of script lyrics covered his left arm. Kurt wanted to ask him what each of them meant. Sometimes, when he came over just by himself he swore that Shane always sat closer, talked in a lower voice, once he even plucked a fallen bud of weed off Kurt’s jacket, holding it up to twirl it around and smile at Kurt, clucking his tongue. 

It would be a quite the leap to say that he was interested in Kurt, he couldn’t imagine in a million years that Shane was into guys even remotely because of the various sexual escapades he’d told them about with women. Kurt watched his jaw muscles work as he spoke, watching as he reached up to brush a dark lock of his shoulder-length wavy hair out of his face. He continued smoking with them, feeling his lids fall lazier and lazier, drifting between conversations Krist and Shane were having, trying to keep up but feeling heavier and heavier.

His eyes fluttered open into darkness. He reached around himself, feeling nothing but a thick comforter and pillows. He was in a bed but he couldn’t make out where, the room was so dark. He was shirtless, which confused him and as he reached down he noticed his pants were undone. As his eyes adjusted he began to make sense of the space, smelling weed, blinking and beginning to see posters, clothes strewn about. Suddenly a crack of light filtered in and it made his eyes squeeze shut. A door opened and closed, darkness enveloped again and footsteps slowly neared the bed.

“You passed out hard, dude.” Kurt felt relief coat his veins when he recognized Shane’s voice in the dark.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry I didn’t even realize. What time is it? Where’s Krist?” He felt so disoriented, weed usually didn’t have this effect on him. 

“He had to go home, it’s pretty late, but don’t worry because you can stay here for the night, it’s not a big deal.” He felt weight at the foot of the bed but still couldn’t see a foot in front of his face. He felt dizzy and his head cloudy.

“I… Okay,” The weight got closer. He shuddered as he felt fingers brush across and down his jaw, making him flush. A hand started pushing him back down into the bed, he opened his mouth to ask what he was doing but was met with lips, sudden and demanding. They worked at his mouth, prying it open and tonguing him, Kurt had never kissed anyone with tongue. He felt the scratch of Shane’s stubble against him, hard and painful. He pushed up against Shane’s chest but his weight was immovable. He tried to squirm out of his grasp but felt, with panic coating his veins, that he wasn’t strong enough. 

The older, stronger man held him down with his arms and pelvis, grinding a hardness against the stunned teenager, who was beginning to go into a state of shock. He thought he had wanted this, he even dreamt about it, but not like this. He dreamt of loving kisses, gentle hands and smiles, laughter. This was nothing like what he’d wanted but he suddenly felt guilty as Shane broke the kiss, growling in his ear, 

“I’ve seen the way you look at me, don’t act like you don’t want this.” He was petrified with fear, unable to move as Shane rapidly began working at his belt buckle, releasing himself then tugging on Kurt’s jeans, flipping him around and shoving his head into a pillow, grabbing his ass and pulling down his boxers, “I know you want this.”

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to pretend it was a nightmare.

….  
“I don’t like it, it’s not heavy enough.” Kurt sighed, ejecting the cassette recording of “In Bloom” that they had finished recording with Chad two days earlier. It was just the two of them, the original two of what had eventually become Nirvana, sitting in Krist’s basement, smoking weed, listening to their demo. 

“I think it might just need to be sped up a little, sung a little faster.” Krit took a hit, passing the bowl to Kurt, then reaching for his beer to wash down the smoke. He took a long exhale after downing a bit of beer, coughing slightly.

“To me… All I hear is weak drumming.” Kurt shrugged, “I’m sorry, and you know I think Chad is a nice guy, that’s why it’s gonna really suck to replace him.”

“Whoa, whoa, replace him? Just like that?” 

“Dude, this sound is getting us nowhere. If we want people to pay attention to us we need a stronger drum sound, I’m fucking telling you.” He took a hit, holding it in then sighing. Krist followed Kurt’s gaze as he looked down at his feet. 

He had to bite his tongue as he almost blew up at Kurt, Chad was their fifth drummer. It was beginning to become ridiculous and he worried they’d never be taken seriously if they couldn’t at least stick with a drummer. He watched Kurt pick up the can of shaving cream they’d been huffing from, he let his vision go lazy as Kurt took a deep huff at it.

He exhaled long and heavy, “I’ve been talking to Buzz about it, he says he knows a guy who’s looking for an out from his band, said they’re breaking up or something.” 

“Yeah? Been talking to Buzz already, so it’s just a done deal? No need to fucking consult me or anything, right?” Krist felt irritation boil up inside him, “So, basically you make the decisions and you decided to humor me tonight by telling me this, since you’re just gonna go ahead and do it? And I imagine you want me to be the one to kick Chad out too, well I’m not fucking doing it.” 

Kurt gave him a meek, yet defiant and cocky look, pursing his lips, nothing to say.

Krist sighed sharply, exasperated, “I’m not gonna fucking do it again Kurt. If you wanna kick Chad out go right ahead and do it since it doesn’t matter what I say anyway! Fuck.” He got up to go to his room, fed up with Kurt’s bullshit for the night. He hollered down the hall, “And let yourself out!” 

As the room fell quiet again Kurt felt bile crawling up his esophagus, always getting a sick, anxiety-riddled stomach whenever it came to making decisions or doing anything remotely stressful. He reached for Krist’s phone, thumbing over the buttons, beginning to dial in Chad’s number. Something didn’t feel right about kicking him out over the phone. He deserved a bit more than that… 

“Fuck,” He sighed, deciding to leave, walking up the stairs and out Krist’s door, locking it behind himself and walking out toward his frozen old car. He got in, turning the key in the ignition, reaching over to blast the heat, shivering and stepping out to have a cigarette. He stood by the warming car, reaching from his pocket to grab his box of smokes only to realize he’d left them on Krist’s coffee table. “God,” he sighed, mentally kicking himself. He guessed he deserved it. He clutched his stomach, feeling like someone was sticking him with a red-hot iron, branding him from the inside. 

….

Kurt hunched over himself, hissing in pain as the same red-hot iron burned him from inside, making his stomach churn in sickly circles, bile scraping up his throat. He opened his mouth to puke but nothing would come. He’d already thrown up everything in his stomach, nothing left but weak, rough dry heaving. He reached blindly around himself, hand finding fabric, he yanked on it, trying to pull himself upright. Everything was so loud. He couldn’t distinguish anything in particular going on around him. A blur of people, grass and sky swirled around him. He didn’t realize he was pulling on the front of Dave’s shirt, his vision was too blurry from the blood rushing to his head.. He felt strangely numb as his hand brushed across a hard, lean torso and warm hands grabbed his shoulders. 

“Kurt?” It sounded like he was speaking underwater. He heard murmuring around him, what he thought was Krist’s voice got closer then suddenly he was swept up in a familiar pair of arms. He looked up and sure enough Krist was carrying him through a sea of people, press, cameras, flashing lights; it was all so disorienting Kurt just buried his face in Krist’s neck to hide himself from it. He felt Krist walk up some steps and suddenly it was quieter. Muffled voices still penetrated through the trailer’s walls but there was at least some sort of barrier now. 

He winced as he was lowered onto a bed in the camper. His ailing body instantly curled up into the fetal position. His nerves felt numb from the constant, drilling pain in his guts. “Fu-uck,” he whimpered, swallowing on what felt like barbwire in his throat. “Water?” he looked up at Krist, who registered what he said and left the room. As Krist left another body filled the doorway, looking timid and unsure.

“Kurt, are you alright?” His voice was soft and careful, Kurt saw him nervously tuck his long hair behind his ears. He couldn’t help but smile a little, Dave resembled a child standing in their parent’s doorway looking for comfort after a nightmare. Kurt patted the bed beside him, scooting a little.

Dave slowly walked in, approaching the bed and sitting, eyes never leaving Kurt’s face. Krist returned with water and sat beside Kurt naturally, giving him the water bottle. Kurt sat up to drink it, carefully, afraid his stomach might reject it. Krist, as if reading Kurt’s mind spoke to Dave, 

“Kurt has a chronic stomach condition, doctors can’t figure out what it is. It comes and goes, but if he would eat better I doubt it would be this bad!” He scolded, sighing slightly. He took the water bottle as Kurt basically threw it at him, looking very used to it. 

“It’s my curse.” Kurt set a hand over his stomach gently, biting his lip, holding back the pain.

“God, that’s awful! I’m so sorry…” 

“It is what it is, I’m fine.” He moved to stand, but blacked out, falling in a weak heap.

…

“Fuck, that’s it, I’m done!” Dave slammed the glass against the table, stumbling backward into Krist, who grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him, 

“Don’t be a biiitch!” He force-fed him a bottle of wine, holding it upside down so he had to chug it. Dave chugged for a moment, before sputtering, breaking from it and spewing dark red sangria all over himself and the carpeted floor of the dressing room. 

“Fuck, you guys are making a mess.” Kurt commented from his spot in the corner, atop everyone’s jackets in a nest he made for himself, smoking a cigarette, watching his friends get wasted.

“The fuck do you care!? I’m celebrating, motherfuckers!” Krist chugged more wine as Dave swayed toward the couch, walking like a pirate. He sat in a messy heap, covered in wine, hair mussed up and tangled, cheeks rosy red. Kurt smiled at him, offering him a drag of his cigarette.

Dave reached up at it and missed spectacularly. Kurt chuckled. “Here, let me..” He leaned toward the piss-drunk Dave, holding the cigarette for him between his fingers, bringing it to his lips. Dave took a needy puff, eyes scanning Kurt’s face as he did. The moment felt longer than the few seconds they both knew it probably was. Kurt’s face felt warm as he pulled back, swallowing hard and looking away from him a little too quickly. 

Dave laughed carelessly, splaying himself out on the couch lazily. It was the first time Kurt had seen him really relax in front of him. He usually seemed on edge or nervous around him in the couple months they’d known each other and it was refreshing to see him drunk, uncaring, uninhibited. A different, confident, more social side of him came out. For the first time Kurt started noticing the lean, subtle muscles of his tanned arms.

“What’re you look’n ah-huh?” He slurred, eyes all over Kurt, walking up and down him, checking him out blatantly. He noticed dimples deep in his cheeks when he smiled like that.

Kurt laughed breathlessly, he hadn’t been flirted with in what felt like forever. He caught his breath and said, “Nothing,” his chest feeling lighter, bubbly. 

Dave leaned forward, all awkward limbs and warm, wine-drenched breath as he grabbed the collar of Kurt’s shirt, whispering an inch away from his messy blonde hair and the ear lying beneath it, “Were you checking me out?” 

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh again, knowing Dave probably wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow. So he indulged him, whispering back, “Maybe… were you checking me out?” Dave pulled back to look at him before grinning and nodding slowly, eyes walking up and down him again, shamelessly. Krist took one look at them before laughing to himself and walking out, taking the wine with him, off to cause trouble for someone. To Kurt’s surprise, Dave stood and lumbered over to the door, locking it and turning back to smile at him, cheeks dark red.

The sound of the lock sliding into place in the door triggered him and suddenly he felt sixteen again, locked in that dark room. A flash of anxiety coated Kurt’s veins, but he shook it off quickly, reminding himself where he was, who he was with. Dave was harmless. He didn’t seem to notice Kurt’s mini-freak out, still walking toward him slowly with that playful smile on his face.

“What’re you doin’?” Kurt grinned, swallowing hard, trying to swallow the anxiety back. Dave continued walking toward him until he was slowly climbing up on Kurt’s lap. The blonde was a bit stunned, watching as Dave put a knee on either side of his thin hips, sitting back on his haunches, perched atop Kurt’s torn jeans on his thighs. He felt the blonde tense beneath him so he reached down to take his face in his hands, cupping his stubbly jaw, relishing in the feeling.

He leaned forward, eyes large and doe like as he blinked down at the singer through long, dark lashes, “Are you afraid?” 

Something deep in him told him to defend himself, it was like a reflex, “No.”

“You sure?” He tested, leaning closer, nearing Kurt’s thin, trembling lips. He let one of his hands slip from his jaw, down his neck where he felt his pulse pounding against the surface of his stubbly, pale skin. He held his handsome face firmly in place as he leaned down to press his thick lips to Kurt’s and to his surprise he was met with no protest.

Rather, he kissed back. Enthusiastically. He grabbed the back of Dave’s head, knotting his fingers through his dark locks, making sure to hold him close as he followed the motion of Dave’s lips, leaning in sideways to lock lips with him even further, moaning as he brushed his tongue against Dave’s experimentally. As he did that Dave let out a whimper and it made all the muscles in his body surge forward and suddenly he was pinning Dave down into the couch beneath his body, pressing down on him with his hardening cock. 

They broke the kiss to gasp, Kurt opened his eyes, which were wild and bluer than Dave had ever seen them. They shared a crazed, scared gaze as Kurt looked down, seeing how he was pinning him. He pulled away, sitting back, “I.. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that… You’re drunk, this is…”

Dave grabbed his hand as he moved away, whining and pulling him back, “No, Kurt, I… I want this.”

“You’re just drunk. You won’t even remember this tomorrow.” He got up from the couch, running a hand through his hair, trying to gain clarity, feeling like Dave’s drunkenness was rubbing of on him. 

“I think you’re sexy, Kurt.” He turned to meet Dave’s eyes, his expression was genuine.

“You do?”

The drummer bit his lip and nodded, standing and reaching out to touch his warm skin again, fingers brushing his jaw, then twirling around in the clump of hair that fell in front of his face. Kurt didn’t know how to react to such a sweet, gentle gesture. He’d never had anyone touch him with such care. It made his face burn.

“You liked kissing me.” Dave looked at him with a shit-eating grin, “You liked it.” 

Kurt blushed even harder, pushing on his chest, but Dave just wrapped his arms around him tight. “Look at me.” Dave pulled his chin up, looking down his nose at Kurt, who was just a bit shorter. He leaned down to press his lips to Kurt’s again, smiling against his lips and pulling away softly, grinning.

Someone started pounding at the door, making the two of them jump apart. Kurt cleared his throat and escaped through the bathroom door. Dave smiled, then went to unlock the door for Krist.

Later that night, as they were ending their show, Kurt and Krist started going crazy with their instruments, holding them up like swords and threatening to fight each other. Kurt swung his guitar off his shoulder, sending it skidding offstage. He then turned, quickly, with a crazy light in his eye before he started running toward Dave, launching himself up into the drum kit, crashing into it with a ferocity that caught the drummer off guard. 

He reacted too late and Kurt’s body came crashing into him, they hit and tumbled down the blocks the drum kit had been set up on, Dave taking most of the fall as they landed hard into a pile of cords and scratchy curtain fabric. He could see Kurt’s mouth moving but didn’t hear anything he was saying, the feedback and screaming crowd too loud to decipher anything. He tried to sit up on his elbows but fell backward as they ached in protest. 

Kurt pulled on his shirt, still shouting but Dave still couldn’t make anything out. Kurt offered him his hands and helped him to his feet but Dave just grabbed his shirt in return, pulling him down to kiss him in the darkness of backstage. Kurt acted surprised but again didn’t refuse the kiss, smiling for a moment then melting more into his lips. Kurt pulled away to shout in his ear over the noise, “Are you okay?”

Dave nodded, shouting back, “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Let’s get outta here.” He shouted, pulling him up to stand. 

…

“Yo, pass that shit.” Kurt chuckled, watching Dave nod off while holding the joint in his hand. He snapped to, shaking his face a little and passing the joint off to Kurt. He rubbed at his eyes, yawning wide. 

“Maybe I should head home, man.” He stretched his arms up over himself, blinking hard. Kurt took a hit off the joint, passing it back and murmuring, in a voice barely above a whisper, 

“You can just crash here.” They made brief eye contact as Dave took the joint from him, taking a small hit and passing it back. Kurt peeked at him from under a curtain of messy blonde hair, looking so small and cute in his oversized sweater that hung off his shoulder, revealing his white undershirt. He noticed Kurt always wore layers. He saw him fidget, taking a hit then exhaling, “I j-just think it’d be safer, you seem really tired.”

But Dave wasn’t tired in the least, not anymore. Not with the way Kurt was peeking at him through his hair, stealing looks, touch lingering as he passed the joint. He could sense Kurt’s neediness for his touch, he knew he wanted him but was scared to ask. Dave took a hit, then leaned forward to crush the roach out into his ashtray, “I mean.. If that’s cool with you.” 

Kurt shrugged, trying so hard to look nonchalant but he was on edge, the electricity between them was palpable. Kurt got up from the couch, “Follow me, I’ll show you where you can stay.” Dave followed him through the dirty apartment, stepping around piles of clothes and garbage. Kurt led him to a dimly lit hallway, turning toward a door then suddenly flipping around, pushing Dave up against the wall with surprising force. 

They each gasped a little, Kurt’s voice shook as he skimmed his nose up Dave’s throat, admitting in a hoarse, defeated voice, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” He ran his hands up and down Dave’s sides, fingering his belt loops, tugging his pelvis into his own, grinding up against him, hardening. A low growl passed through his lips and Dave couldn’t help but grab his face and kiss him. 

They kissed harder this time, needier. Their breath ragged and unsteady, clawing at each other’s clothes, rolling against the wall and taking turns slamming each other into it, until Kurt reached down to turn a doorknob. He tumbled backward into the dark room, pulling Dave along with him. Dave shut the door behind them, reaching to turn on the light. 

“No, don’t.” Kurt kissed hungrily at his neck, leading him in the dark to his bed, walking him back until his calves hit the mattress and they both fell into the bed. Dave bit his lip, feeling Kurt’s hardness press down on him through his jeans, his own cock hardening rapidly against it, it surprised him how natural it felt. 

“Why won’t you let me see you?” He sat up and kissed at Kurt’s chin, down his throat, across his collarbone, tugging his sweater and undershirt down. He reached at the bottom of his shirts, pulling it up his torso. Kurt resisted, then allowed it, shivering as Dave threw the shirts aside. He let out a shaky breath as Dave’s hands brushed his torso. 

Dave was surprised at how skinny he was, he moved his hands around his thin waist, feeling his skin prickle and get goose bumps at his touch. He pushed him down softly into the bed, on his back as he explored his bare skin, his heart pounding hard, filled with anxiety and anticipation from being this close to him. He never imagined to be with Kurt like this, which made the moment so much more surreal. He planted soft kisses above his nipple, then down his middle, making him shiver. 

Kurt reached down to grab a handful of Dave’s hair, finding his face in the darkness, navigating toward the faint light from the window that glimmered in Dave’s dark eyes. He sucked in a deep breath before he spoke, trying to steady himself, “I… Listen, I… I haven’t had very good experiences in the past with this… with guys… or girls for that matter, and…” He lost his nerve, sighing and swallowing, shaking. 

“Kurt, it’s okay,” he took his face in his hands and felt Kurt relax. 

He closed his deep blue eyes, reaching up to place his hands over Dave’s, trying to find the right words, “I… I like you, and I don’t want… I mean…” 

“I like you too, Kurt.” He opened his big blue eyes, looking up at him, trying to believe that something could be good, that someone could be true. It would hurt so bad to get burned again, to have his trust destroyed again. Dave could sense his apprehension, “C’mere.” He moved under the thick comforter atop the bed, pulling Kurt under them with him. 

Dave took off his shirt and threw it aside and then like it was nothing he just wrapped his arms around Kurt, pulling him into his chest. Kurt breathed in the warm slightly musky scent of him, a mixture of Old Spice, cigarettes and weed. What he couldn’t believe was how incredibly warm Dave was. Dave spoke softly into the top of his head, “We don’t have to do anything before you want to, Kurt, I’m just happy to be here with you right now. I’m totally content to just do this.” 

He couldn’t help but smile into him, resting his hand up against his warm chest, “Okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Have you ever had an out of body experience?” Kurt asked, looking up at the sky, arms folded behind his head as he and Dave sat atop the hood of the van, staring up at the summer night sky together. 

Dave considered it, “Uhhmmm…”

Kurt waited, blinking at the stars, then continuing, “Like... where you can see yourself and you're not inside yourself... it's so weird. I had one while I was on acid.” 

Dave shook his head, “Only done it once, haven’t had an out of body.”

Kurt yawned up at the sky, “It was like watching myself on camera or something.”

Dave didn’t mean to but he turned to Kurt and locks eyes on him for a while. Kurt noticed, looking at him then away. A moment passed and he noticed Dave’s eyes were still on him. He blushed, “Dave?”

He looked away, up at the sky, then back at his face, “Kurt...you live in a weird world, man...must be pretty scary, yet ...interesting. I just want you to...” He mused, “be careful ..okay?”

Kurt cocked his head, “Careful about what?” Dave smiled suggestively. Kurt raised an eyebrow, “The drugs?”

“About playing with fire…”

“I’m fine, I know my limits.” Kurt dismissed it, picking at his fingernail. 

Dave got up to stand but fell off the hood of the car, falling in a thud, making Kurt have to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter, afraid to wake the other guys who were sleeping out on mattresses on the side of the van outside. “How fucking stoned are you?”

“I don't know…” He shrugged, turning from Kurt, walking a few steps before beginning to undo his pants, releasing himself discreetly to pee. Silence fell, only the sound of pee hitting dirt surrounded them. Dave shook off and zipped himself back up, rejoining him on the hood of the van, reaching for the joint they’d been sharing, “Hey Kurt..why did you make me put on a bra on our last gig?”

Kurt just snickered in response, laughing that evil, trilly laugh of his. 

Dave whined, “Tell me why, be honest.”

Kurt laughed to himself, “I dunno... it was fun.” He took the joint as Dave passed it to him, adding softly, “And you looked good in it too.” he smiled, feeling good and stoned.

Dave felt his face grow hot, he avoided Kurt’s eye contact. 

“What?” Kurt grinned. 

“Nothing.” he kept on looking anywhere but at him. 

Kurt kept on smoking, passing the joint to Dave, trying to catch his eyes. The brunette kept his face trained down. Kurt grabbed his chin, blowing smoke in his face. 

Dave finally looked up and was struck hard by Kurt's intense cobalt eyes and watched with admiration as a smile crept out over his features, crinkling his pale skin and denting his cheeks in deep dimples. He was intoxicating. Being near him felt exciting, he never knew what Kurt would do, there was an electricity between them. 

His blue eyes flicked down at Dave's lips for a split second before leaning back and pulling away all at once. He pulled a cigarette from behind his ear, holding a flame out and puffing it to life. Dave frowned. 

Kurt saw it out of the corner of his eye, grabbing the cigarette from his lips, muttering, “You're such a whiner,” as he leaned in to press a kiss to his thick lips. 

Dave reacted by wrapping his arms up around his neck, pulling him closer and locking him in place. He ran a hand through his wavy blonde locks, kissing him harder, afraid it might all go away at any second. 

Kurt tried to pull back but Dave's arms wouldn't let up and when they both needed to break for air Dave still kept a tight hold on him, pulling him to his chest. He whispered into his hair, “I want you close like this.” 

Kurt's heart began to beat irregularly. 

In the morning they drove into a small town just outside Glasgow. They played a small pub to a room full of college students who surprisingly knew a lot of their songs. Kurt had underestimated himself yet again. He began to smile and feel filled with something that felt like happiness as the small crowd sang along to ‘Breed’ with him. He wondered if this was how Freddie Mercury felt. But, as all good things do, the feeling passed and he was yet again in a foreign town, drinking a beer, trying to relive that brief moment of magic. 

Dave sat beside him in a booth as Krist took shots with the roadies and some college kids who had stuck around to hang out. Kurt wasn't much in the partying mood, feeling pretty low after expelling so much energy. He was brought out of his thoughts as Dave squeezed his thigh beneath the table, smiling encouragingly, “You alright?” 

He nodded once, drinking the rest of his beer. Dave’s smile faltered slightly, “What's wrong?” 

“It’s nothing. I just wish good feelings lasted longer. Or maybe I wish I had less bad feelings, I dunno.” 

Dave took a sip at his beer, eyebrows drawn over his eyes in thought. “Have you tried antidepressants or anything?” 

He nodded sadly. “Not a lot of things work for me. Pot helps.” 

“Well good thing I have a joint in my pocket.” he smiled, “Come outside with me?” 

Kurt nodded, getting out of the booth and walking outside with him. They snuck around back by the dumpsters where they smelled someone else smoking weed and guessed it was an okay spot. Dave flicked a lighter, puffing on the joint. He took a breath, muttering around it, “I think everyone gets depressed sometimes, I know I do.” 

He passed it to Kurt, who nodded in agreement, taking a deep inhale. 

“Plus being on the road can be hard. I know I get homesick for Virginia.” 

Kurt nodded again, looking up at the sky. He took a long hit then exhaled sharply. “I could care less about home or my family or any of the people I know. I just want my life to mean something, man. I want to be remembered for something.” 

…

“You’re never gonna amount to shit if all you do is hang around with those fucking losers and do drugs and drink all day, Kurt!” Ever the performer, Wendy Cobain threw herself at the couch dramatically after screaming hoarsely (and drunkenly) at her seventeen year old son. She wailed, crying, smearing her mascara all over her face, “I don’t know what I did so wrong or why you hate me so much!”

Kurt felt his chest tighten, biting his tongue, holding back everything he wanted to scream at her in anger. Being stoned and slightly tipsy helped him build up some sort of barrier between the outside world around him. It helped him see through his mother’s hysterics as an act brought on by fear that she was losing her son, but the sad truth was that she’d lost him a long time ago. He looked down at his fist, knuckles white in the tight grip he had himself in. He turned to walk up the stairs, only to be confronted by the solid frame of his step father Frank.

His arms were folded, a look of anger present on his features. He reeked of cigars and body sweat. He stood like a wall between Kurt and the staircase. Kurt sighed, “Listen dude, I’m tired.” 

Oh boy that lit him up, his face turned red and the little blood vessel at the base of his temple popped up fresh against his skin. “You disrespectful little asshole,” He grabbed Kurt around the throat in a hard meaty grip, “come here and I’ll teach you how to fuckin’ talk to a man.” 

Kurt coughed around his hold, spitting, “Some fucking man you are.” 

Wendy was suddenly behind the two of them, crying drunk and dramatically, “Frank, stop it! Put him down! That’s my son!” All the commotion had woken the baby, who began wailing in the other room. Kurt took the opportunity of Frank being briefly distracted to run up the stairs into his room. Frank just huffed and stomped off to the kitchen, Wendy went after the crying baby. Another evening at home.

Kurt tore through his room, digging through piles of clothes, records, grabbing essentials and throwing his things in a backpack. He decided he would leave again, he didn’t know for how long but he was sick of everything and everyone in the house. He picked up the beat up old phone on his dresser, dialing Krist’s number. It rang five times before a very groggy sounding Krist answered, “Hullo?”

“Dude it’s Kurt. Can I come stay with you?” 

He could tell Krist was half-conscious but he didn’t miss a beat and responded immediately, “Of course.” 

Relief washed through him, he felt a weight fall off his chest. “Thank you. I’ll be there in ten.” 

“Okay, you want me to meet you halfway?”

“I mean.. If you want to.”

“Meet me at the park?” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay,” Krist agreed, Kurt could hear a smile in his voice. “Everything okay?”

Kurt sighed, “I guess, just the usual.” Then he remembered Frank’s hands on his neck, “Oh he actually choked me a little, but… eh.” 

“Are you serious!?” Disbelief colored his voice.

“Yeah…”

“Kurt you gotta get out of there.”

“I know.” He wanted desperately to change the subject, hating to focus on his bleak surroundings. “See you at the park?”

“Yeah, see you there.” He could hear the worry in his voice but decided to ignore it, hating being pitied. 

“K, bye.”

“Bye.” He hung up, killing the line. He stood and walked toward his closet, grabbing a flannel to add to his outfit of long johns, covered by a pair of ripped up jeans with a tank top covered by a t-shirt and long sleeved shirt. He liked to layer his clothes to make himself look less skinny, give the illusion of some sort of body tone or mass. He put the flannel on then grabbed his large black parka coat, putting that on and grabbing what was left in his baggie of weed, stuffing it into his pocket. He grabbed his lucky tie-dye lighter off his nightstand, took his backpack and slung it over his shoulders. The last, and very essential item was his beloved, beat up old acoustic guitar. He didn’t have a case for it and opted to sling it backwards across his chest, holding the bulk of the body up on his backpack. 

Now the challenge was making it down the stairs and past his mom and Frank without being stopped. He guessed by now his mom was doing her usual routine of getting ready for bed, which included having a “secret” cigarette on the toilet, doing her nails, washing her face and hair, etc. so if she had begun that routine he knew she wouldn’t notice him. Frank, on the other hand, was usually in the kitchen grabbing beers out of the fridge or scratching his gut on the couch. And he had an ear for Kurt especially. He decided he’d put up with enough shit today and that Frank was probably tired from all the action earlier, so he just walked out of his room and down the stairs as quickly as possible. 

He made it all the way out the back door without anybody bothering him. His strides became larger as he walked freely away from home, feeling more and more confident the further he got from there. His backpack and guitar felt weightless as the pep in him increased, imagining hanging out in Krist’s room, sneaking out to smoke weed, having breakfast with his family, just being anywhere but with his dysfunctional broken life. 

He walked around the park, going to their usual meeting spot on the bench. Sure enough, there he was. Krist sat in all his goofy, awkward glory, lanky and far too tall for comfort, growing at a rapid rate that his wardrobe could hardly keep up with. His shirts always rode up lately and he complained often of body pains. Kurt didn’t realize he was smiling until he saw Krist’s eyes recognize him and smile back. 

“You made it!” He got up to throw a big hug around Kurt’s shoulders, but stopped when he saw the guitar. “Oh you lookin for a little jam sesh?” His playful tone made Kurt wish he could keep on smiling but the corners of his mouth started to fall. Krist looked down at him and could see nothing but a lost, sad little boy with a pair of misty blue eyes who was trying to hide behind his moonlight-reflecting shining hair.

Kurt’s voice shook as he explained, “I just wanted to bring it because I don’t know when I’ll be going home again and I can’t be without it.” Krist gulped, dropping the playful tone, seeing how hurt and upset he was. 

“Do you want me to carry anything?” The blonde shook his head once, casting his eyes down at his shoes.

“I just wanna go to your house..” 

“Of course, let’s go.” 

They talked the whole walk there, which was only about five minutes from where they were. Kurt told him the entire situation he had come home to, what Frank had done, what his mom had said. He was half-phased by it because it happened so frequently but Krist guessed that Frank actually laying hands on him had him a little shaken up. By the time they reached his house, Krist decided to unveil his surprise. He pulled a little joint out of his pocket that he’d hastily rolled up then hurried to the park to meet him with. 

Kurt looked up at him with admiration, “Really?”

“Yeah dude, let’s go in the backyard.” He carefully unhinged the gate to his backyard and let Kurt in, then closed it just as carefully behind him, knowing that his parents were definitely asleep as it was almost one in the morning. Kurt set his backpack and guitar down carefully, whispering to Krist, 

“Thank you so much, dude, you have no idea how much I--”

Krist held up a hand, “Save it, I know you would do the same for me. Cool?”

“Cool.” he nodded, grabbing the lighter out of his pocket and offering it to Krist. 

“Thanks,” He put it between his lips, flicking the lighter to life and puffing over it for a few moments before handing the lighter back to Kurt, taking a deep inhale and puffing his chest out. He handed the joint off to Kurt, still holding his breath. Kurt laughed at him under his breath, taking a hit and holding it in too. Krist then took it back and took another hit, attempting to hold it in. It was this little game of ‘baseball’ they played with each other, seeing who had the best lungs. Krist usually won.

Many hits later, the boys were laughing soundlessly at each other, tears coming out of their red eyes, Kurt reached and burnt his finger on the roach, hissing, “Ouch, it got me!” 

Krist dropped it to the ground, stomping it out with his foot and hissing with laughter, “There, I saved you.”

“What would I ever do without you?” Kurt teased, fluttering his lashes at him jokingly, flipping his hair. Krist, unlike every other male Kurt revealed his true, funny, flirtatious self to, was willing to joke back and even return the flirtatiousness, knowing it was all in jest. Kurt loved that he never had to explain that to him, they had some unspoken understanding of each other and they both respected and loved the other without question. They had even kissed once before at a party and neither of them made it weird or uncomfortable, they hadn’t even talked about it since because it just didn’t matter to them. It was all in good fun. 

“You hungry?” 

“Starving!”

….

“Dave!” Kurt and Krist shook his shoulders, “Dave!” they chanted relentlessly. The drummer finally blinked a little, squinting at the light and muttering, trying to turn his head back into the pillow. Kurt grabbed his arm, trying to pull him up out of the bed, “Dave, you’re gonna miss the countdown!” 

“I don’t caaare,” the brunette groaned, beyond wasted and high on a mixture of weed and what he was told were mushrooms. Krist and Kurt were drunk and booming as well but they were handling themselves much better. Dave just wanted to be in a quiet, dark room and sleep off the hallucinations around him. But of course, they wouldn’t allow it. “Just leave me be!”

Krist darted off to find the TV and began chanting, “10, 9,” 

“Dave, it’s starting!” He kept pulling on his arm, tugging him upward, toward the burning light. Dave looked up at Kurt but immediately regretted it as he watched Kurt’s hair wiggle and shake, his eyes bouncing around abnormally. 

“I can’t handle all of this right now.” He put his arms up around his head, covering his ears as Kurt joined Krist in chanting, “6, 5, 4, 3….. 2……”

He felt long fingers snake up his face and take hold, he heard Krist scream, “One!!” right as Kurt pressed a kiss to his mouth with cold lips, turning his head into it and running his tongue across the inside of Dave’s bottom lip before biting it and pulling away. The kiss left him shivering and he felt unbelievably cold as Kurt pulled away. He reached after him, 

“Wait,” He pulled him up over himself, looking up at Kurt as he hovered over him. Their eyes met and they stared at each other for a solid minute, each tripping and watching colors swirl in each other’s eyes. Dave reached up to thumb the dimple in Kurt’s chin, smiling at him helplessly, “Happy new year, Kurt.”

A smile spread across the singer’s face and it was a miraculous sight. Crinkles deep in his skin revealed breath-taking dimples as his lips widened over his glowing, stubbly face. “Happy new year, Dave.” Dave leaned up to steal a kiss now, unable to resist that gorgeous smile, knitting his fingers into his messy, slightly greasy hair, working his jaw apart with his lips. A moan passed between their lips and neither knew who started it but it made them both pull away in order to stifle themselves in front of Krist, locking eyes, both understanding that a rain check would be in order soon. 

Kurt tumbled off of Dave as Krist burst into the room with three over-filled shot glasses in his hands, making an absolute mess of everything. “Shots for the new year!” They all took shots, the rest of the night was hard to remember. 

The next day they played a show in a tiny little podunk town and as soon as the set was over, Kurt grabbed his drummer by the loop in his jeans and led him back to the van, locking the doors behind them and crawling up across the makeshift bed to pop in a Queen cassette. He turned it up loud and crawled back to Dave, who was already shirtless, covered in sweat and spent, looking like he’d just had sex. He moved to sit in his lap, leaning down to suck at his neck and taste him. 

“Kurt,” Dave’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, letting his head fall back against the hard wall of the van, sighing. He never dreamed a person so beautiful and talented would show such interest in him. Every time it happened it felt like a dream. He was so afraid of waking up that he had to continuously remind himself not to fuck up, not to make a wrong move, not to cross any lines. Sometimes it was hard to know what was okay with Kurt, he kind of just let him decide and followed his lead, always afraid to do something wrong and make it all end. 

Meanwhile Freddie Mercury was pouring his heart out singing “We Are The Champions” in the background while Kurt’s mouth drifted further and further south. Dave bit his lip, feeling his abs tense as Kurt kissed over them and began working at his zipper. Every touch, every movement was so intense and overwhelming, he could never get used to Kurt’s touch. There was something electric in it. 

“Mmm” Kurt purred as he slowly pulled Dave’s boxers and pants down his hips. His eyes locked on his cock as it sprung free, then his fingers wrapped around it, holding it in place before positioning his mouth over it. 

“Oh, god, Kurrt.” he was insanely good at blow jobs. Like, better than any girl Dave had ever had. He didn’t understand where Kurt learned the things that he knew but he should be notorious for it, he should come with a warning label. Dave was ruined for life. His chest tightened as he felt the warm, inviting wetness of Kurt’s mouth, fists clenching and unclenching helplessly. Kurt turned him from the wall, pushing him down into the bed of pillows behind him, bobbing up and down on him. Dave felt his sanity unraveling, his breathing becoming heavier.

All at once, he pulled up and off of him. Dave looked up, reaching up at him, mourning the loss. Kurt smiled and undid his pants, whipping his jeans and boxers off rapidly, moving to hover over Dave’s straining, hard cock. He leaned down to spit on his cock a little more, then hovered back over him. Dave’s lungs stopped working as he felt Kurt rub and tease the head of his cock against his ass. 

“Ohhh god. Kurt, please, I want you so bad, god.” He continued rubbing, smiling devilishly down at him through strands of hay colored hair. He dipped down softly, feeling the bluntness of Dave against his tight muscle, wincing slightly and pulling back. Dave continued moaning, mewling, begging, “Ohh, please, please, oh my god.” Kurt teased again, pushing down and wincing again, pulling off. 

He pushed down again, steadying himself by holding onto Dave’s shoulder, knees on either side of him. He hissed as he felt Dave’s head force fit into him, “Fuuck.” He pulled back, feeling his ass ache. He tried again, pushing down on him, biting his lip as the head intruded again, but he pushed himself further down, hissing and wincing all the way as Dave slid into him slowly. “Ahh, god.” He bottomed out, sitting on him, thighs level with his hips. 

“That’s so fucking hot.” Dave twitched as he stayed still, fighting so hard not to just turn him and slam into him. “Seeing you take my cock like that… so hot.” He gripped Kurt’s hips in a bruising hold. “Fuck. I wanna fuck you so hard.” 

“No, no, we gotta go slow.” Kurt whined, face contorted in pain. 

“I know… I know.” He tried to calm his lust, looking up at Kurt’s gorgeous, pained expression. He reached up to pet at his hair lovingly, “We can go as slow as you need to, take your time I didn’t mean to hurt you… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” He moved up, hissing in pain, then sliding back down, “Fuuuck.” He tried to pick up the pace, fighting to ignore the stinging, burning pain inside him, telling himself it would be worth it. He kept moving, hissing and biting his lip, but dammit he kept trying. The pain did start to subside and slowly became replaced with a blooming, warm, tingling feeling that made his entire body shiver. “Ohh fuck.” He started moaning in pleasure.

Dave could do nothing but bite his knuckle and watch as Kurt had this discovery, wanting so bad to buck his hips up into him. He fought with everything in him not to just go crazy. Kurt began moving up and down harder, grinding himself down against Dave and groaning deep in his throat as he did it. Dave got even harder, if it were possible, moaning and digging his nails into Kurt’s shoulders, “God you feel so good.” 

In response, he moved even faster. Dave grabbed his hips, unable to take it anymore and began thrusting with him, hard and fast. He saw Kurt’s expression turn to one of ecstacy and it made him want to fuck him even harder. In a matter of seconds, Dave was mewling, warning, “Ohh, I’m gonna cum!” 

Kurt replied hoarse and low, “Do it, I don’t care, fill me up.” 

That drove him over the edge as he released, crying out Kurt’s name and spilling into him, feeling so warm, so fucking good and warm. Kurt came shortly after Dave did, all over his stomach. He hesitated before pulling up off of him, making sure to do it nice and slow. Dave grabbed his tank top and wiped it across his stomach, tossing it aside, both of them panting and gasping for air. “Damn,” 

“Damn.” Kurt agreed, huffing out a laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add some drama because of course everything can't be ALL FLOWERS AND SUNSHINE CAN IT??
> 
> love you guys, thank you for sticking with me, ILU

“Where’s Kurt?” The words fell from his lips before he could stop them from coming out in a way that he realized sounded a little more than friendly. Krist didn’t seem to notice or care, taking a sip of his beer and sighing nonchalantly, 

“I invited him but he said he’s sick.”

“Oh,” his features fell, immediately thinking of Kurt alone in his apartment, he knew he had no one there to make him chicken soup or fluff his pillow or make sure he took medicine. He hadn’t realized Krist had been studying his face until he blurted: 

“You’re not gonna leave just ‘cause _he’s_ not here, are you?” he accused. 

“What? No! Of course not… I’ll stay for a while..” he ran a hand through his hair, casting his eyes away from Krist’s gaze. 

Krist’s eyes narrowed, “Sure you will.” Then, like it was nothing he threw his head back in a laugh and downed the rest of his beer, getting up to walk into the kitchen for another one, “This party is gonna get crazy, dude! Tons of chicks, tons of drunk, fucked up chicks, man.” 

“Yea-ah.” He faked enthusiasm. Krist slung an arm around his shoulder, “Come with me let’s get’cha a beer, that’ll help put you in the mood.” He pulled Dave alongside him into the small kitchen of what was ultimately a very small one story home right on the outskirts of Aberdeen where both he and Kurt had grown up. Krist popped the lids off two beers, handing one to Dave as he began, 

“So… I know you have a crush on Kurt.” Dave dropped his beer. It shattered dramatically against the linoleum floor, making the moment all the more embarrassing. He scrambled, dropping to his knees and attempting to pick up shards of glass. Krist stopped him, “Hey, whoa- just leave it, look, it’s okay.” He pulled him up by the shoulder. 

Dave’s face was flushed red, his eyes stayed straight on the ground, he fidgeted and tried to hide behind his hair. He didn’t know what to say, what would make it right. He didn’t want to give himself away by admitting to anything but the look on Krist’s face made his heart stutter and pound in his stomach. He opened his mouth to defend himself but was surprised to hear Krist speak first, 

“Look, I get it.” His tone was completely genuine and his face had no trace of humor on it. “I… once upon a time had a little crush on Kurt too…” 

He felt his heart sink in absolute horror. “Oh… my god, Krist, I- I didn’t mean to-” 

“No, Dave,” He laughed slightly, “No, it… it was a long time ago. I’m not trying to stand in your way of pursuing him by any means. The only reason I said that was because I want you to know that I understand how you feel. I felt that way too.” The understanding in his eyes overwhelmed any sense Dave had to keep his mouth shut. 

“So… what happened? I mean, did he ever find out? Did you guys ever…?” 

“No, no,” Krist rushed to clarify. “No, I mean… once I tried… but, Kurt made it clear that I was a friend. Nothing more.” His hazel eyes drifted, looking far away, “At the time… it crushed me… but, I’d rather have Kurt in my life as a friend then not in my life at all. So, we’re good.” He cleared his throat, “Plus, it’s been years. I’m fine. We’re fine, I wasn’t trying to make you feel uncomfortable, I just… want you to know that I understand… and I want to warn you that he might do the same to you.” 

“Oh,” his expression fell and suddenly he was second-guessing everything that had happened between them. Every touch, every conversation, every look. He felt incredibly insecure all of a sudden. He stared down at the floor, seeing the fizzling beer go flat in a puddle. 

Krist’s voice was soft as he asked, “So… does Kurt know how you feel?” 

“I’m not sure…” He tucked a portion of thick dark hair behind his ear.

“Well.. have you guys done anything?” he sounded like he might not want to know the answer.

“Yeah… I mean.. A couple of times now, yeah.”

He saw something flicker behind Krist’s eyes as he asked, “ _Really?_ ” his voice sounded less friendly. He thought he saw his jaw clench. Dave gulped, trying to think of a way to end this conversation.

Like an answered prayer, someone knocked at the door. Dave let out a breath of relief as Krist walked away to answer it. He hurried out to the back door, letting himself out into the backyard. With shaky hands he pulled a cigarette up out of its spot in the carton he was holding, raising it to his lips, staring up at the sky, thinking the blue of the stars looked a lot like the electric blue of Kurt’s eyes.

…

After eating an entire pizza between the two of them, the stoned, happy teenagers tip-toed up the stairs to Krist’s room, which was at the end of the hall and covered in caution tape. Krist turned the doorknob slowly, opening it and flicking the lightswitch to reveal a room equally as messy as Kurt’s, covered in laundry, both clean and dirty, instruments, records, magazines and remnants of food. He felt at home. Kurt walked in, slipping his shoes off and climbing into Krist’s bed as he did every single time he came here, like a cat curling up in its favorite spot. He wrapped himself up in the sheets, taking a deep breath and exhaling, happy, eyes red, totally stoned and content.

Krist chuckled, taking his shirt off, stretching in his tank top, smiling at Kurt, “Feel better?” Kurt nodded once, smiling up at him, looking like a burrito all wrapped up. “Good.” he smiled, walking over to his record player and putting The Pixies on very softly in the background. He perched behind Kurt, looking down at the stoned sixteen year old who suddenly looked childlike. He reached to tuck a piece of blonde hair back behind his ear. 

Kurt caught his gaze and suddenly looked scared. He shut down, scooting away and clearing his throat, totally breaking apart the moment. Krist felt like an idiot. The tops of his ears glowed red with embarrassment, he cast his eyes away at the ground and The Pixies yelled softly in the space between them. A hard minute passed, a painfully long minute as Krist turned to apologize, he was beat by a solemn-looking blonde who explained in a hushed, shy voice, 

“I’m sorry… I..” 

“No, Kurt- I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t.. I don’t know why..” he stammered, losing wind. 

“It’s not you, I just… something happened that… I can’t…”

“What happened?”

Kurt turned away entirely, shutting Krist out with his shoulder. “Nothing. Never mind. I’m tired.” 

…

Dave stood in the corner of the living room, watching as the party unfolded before him. People took shots loudly in the kitchen while people danced drunkenly, bumping into each other and Krist’s cheap furniture. Music played way too loud, rocking the foundation of the house with some sort of weird noise-rock band he’d never heard of. He nursed a half-empty beer, feeling barely tipsy enough to deal with the drunk people surrounding him. 

Krist had thankfully avoided him since their last encounter, busying himself with other guests, taking shots, snorting things, huffing whipped cream cans. Dave used to party like that and hell he still liked to but with different company, smaller crowds. He intentionally had stayed mostly sober in case Krist did want to fight him later, he’d have the advantage. He also wanted to stay sharp so he could escape the party. He couldn’t stop thinking about Kurt sick and alone in his apartment. 

He felt such an intense need to nurture Kurt like he’d never felt for anyone before. He felt like he needed to save him, to help him, to protect him from the world, or maybe from himself. He wasn’t sure yet. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Kurt’s expressions, his smiles, his laughs, his moans, the way he breathes uneven and gasps when they’re alone. His mind is flooded with nothing but Kurt. He can’t get the smell of him out of his nose, his stomach quivers any time he thinks of him whimpering or whispering to him. 

“You got a smoke?” A shrill, female voice ripped him out of his daydreaming harshly, sending him plummeting back down to earth. He looked down at her, she was a short woman, petite and clearly drunk, high or both, her red hair was cut short and framed her angular face. She wasn’t ugly but in comparison to the man he’d been daydreaming about she was practically a troll. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket just to get her to leave him alone. She yelled back over the music, “Thanks!” As she turned to walk away she stopped and talked to a group of other troll-like women who turned their eyes on him. He hurried to the kitchen. 

He found Krist taking a shot with a group of people. He squoze between them, pushing his way through to shout up to Krist over the bumping bass, “I’m gonna head out!” Krist’s eyes registered Dave standing in front of him, he watched the gears in his head process what he was saying. 

“Y-yeah, okay, say hi to Kurt for me, will’ya?” He hiccuped, smiling a shit-eating grin. 

Instead of being embarrassed Dave felt a surge of pride roll through him as he shouted back, smiling, “Sure will!” with that, he turned and headed for the door, smiling at himself, feeling awfully proud for sticking up for himself for once. And hell, Krist had his chance and Kurt obviously wasn’t into it, how was any of that his fault?

He got in his car and headed over to Kurt’s apartment complex. 

…

Kurt was wrapped in three blankets, lying in a heap on the couch while an old horror movie played on TV, the room was dark, all curtains drawn and all lights turned off. He slept with his mouth open as his nose was clogged and his head totally congested. A faint sound fell through layers of sleep. His eyes fluttered softly. The sound happened again, he woke slightly more, unable to totally shake the sleep off, feeling like he was underwater. 

_ Knock, knock, knock. _

He sat up, blood drained back down, his face was red from where the pillow had been pressed. He yawned and stood, walking slowly over to the door as another round of knocks sounded. He hissed at the noise, swinging the door open, complaining, “Not so fucking loud!” He looked up and froze as he saw who it was. His hand shot up and ran through his hair in an attempt to make himself look less like a half-dead zombie version of himself. “Oh h-hi Dave. I wasn’t… expecting you.”

“I know I’m sorry to barge in, Krist told me you were sick and I just had to make sure you were okay. Are you okay?” He looked nervous, his face constantly emitting such a gentle sweetness to everything he said. He felt Dave’s eyes on him. 

“I look like shit, I know.”

“No… you don’t. You just look sick.” he reached out to place his thumb in the dimple of Kurt’s chin, “and cute.” 

Kurt looked away, walking back into his apartment, stretching as he led himself back to the couch, Dave following, shutting the door behind him. He shrugged his heavy raincoat off. Kurt asked, “What time is it? I’ve been asleep all day.” He plopped back down on the couch, crawling back into his blanket fortress. 

“It’s almost eleven.”

“Wow.” Kurt yawned again, reaching for his glass of water, which was empty. Dave reached over him, grabbing it and chirping, 

“I got it.” Before Kurt could say a thing he ran off to the kitchen. He paused for a moment, smiling at himself, feeling his insides warm at the thought of Dave taking care of him like this. Before he could finish the thought, the enthusiastic drummer returned with a full glass of water, handing it triumphantly to Kurt. “Here you go.” 

“Thanks..” He took a sip, smiling against the rim of the glass. Dave sat beside him on the couch, sneaking himself under the blankets with Kurt. He set the glass aside, turning to Dave, who caught him in a kiss before he could say anything. He raised his eyebrows in surprise but kissed back nonetheless, reaching to cup Dave’s jaw as he tried to deepen the kiss, Kurt pulled away. “You’re gonna get sick.”

Dave kissed at his stubbly jaw before pulling back with a smile, “I’ll take my chances.” He bit his lip, gazing at Kurt’s lips before breaking from the thought, asking, “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat..” Kurt answered meekly, snuggling into his blankets.

“What would you like?”

“Well, I don’t have much here..” his eyes were forlorn. 

“That’s not what I asked.” 

“What do you mean?” he eyed him suspiciously. 

“I mean… I have a car, I have cash, what do you want to eat?” Dave smiled as he saw Kurt’s eyes light up in understanding. 

“Oh..” a small grin played at his lips. “Well… I could go for some McDonald’s right now.” 

“Yeah? That’s for sure what you want?”

Kurt nodded, smiling an adorable dimpled grin. 

“Okay, what do you like from there?” he scratched Kurt’s head, running his fingers through his roots, tugging gently. Kurt purred and turned to snuggle into his lap.

He lifted his head from his lap, blinking up at him, “Egg mcmuffin, fries, fruit parfait and cookies.” 

Dave couldn’t help but smile down at him, “Okay. Anything else you want?” 

Kurt shook his head. 

“Do you wanna come with me?”

He shook his head again, “I’m so cold. It’s too cold out there.”

“You should take a bath while I go, it’ll warm you up and help with aches.” Kurt just continued looking up at him. “I’ll go run you a bath, okay, just stay here.” He got up carefully setting Kurt’s head down as he moved. He sat up, watching him disappear down the hall as light flooded the hallway and the sound of water pounding against the tub could be heard.

Dave returned, grinning, “Do you want me to undress you and put you in the bath?” Kurt stood, shaking his head at him, “Cause I will. I’d be happy to.” 

Kurt giggled, “Shut up.” 

“See you in a minute.” He grabbed his coat.

“See ya.” Kurt smiled and disappeared into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and started to shrug his clothes off, walking toward the bathtub, leaving a trail behind him as he did. He reached out to feel the temperature and it was perfect, just a little scalding, but not too hot. He let it continue to fill it until it reached about three quarters of the way full before turning the dial off. He stood before it, raising his foot to dip a toe in. 

He let himself get used to it then slowly inched his foot into the water, then his other foot, then lower and lower until he was sitting in it, sighing from the heat. He submerged himself completely, holding himself under for a good half a minute, shaking his head around, liking the feel of water rushing through his hair. He gasped softly as he raised himself out of the water, wiping water out of his eyes.

He looked around, feeling his vision get hazy as the heat surrounded him, feeling his blood pump hard and heavy. He let his head fall back into the water, closing his eyes, listening to the distorted sounds in the water surrounding him. He lost track of time as he laid in the warm water, thoughts drifting, daydreaming, thinking. A soft knock sounded against the door and he called out, “Come in,” 

Dave had two bags and a drink in his hands, smiling down at him, “You look comfy.” 

“Feels good, you were right.” He sat up, blinking the water out of his eyes, running a hand through his wet hair. 

Dave sat on the toilet, grabbing Kurt’s food out of the bag, “Which do you want first?”

“Egg muffin.” 

“Here you go.” he handed it over. Kurt unwrapped it and took a bite. Dave took a sip of his coke, “Good?”

“Yes.” he munched, taking another bite and reaching at Dave’s coke. He handed it over to him, watching him drink it. He looked down, unable to keep his eyes off his skinny, sexy body. Kurt blushed, pulling away and covering his crotch with a washcloth, “No peeping!”

“Oh come on, we’ve had sex before, I’ve seen you naked.” He unwrapped his sandwich, taking a big bite and muttering around it, “You’ve got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, by the way.”

“Says the man with perfect muscle tone.” Kurt sighed sharply at him, finishing his muffin with a huff. 

Dave shrugged, raising his eyebrows at him, “I like your body.” 

“Well that makes one of us.” Kurt reached for his fruit parfait. 

Dave frowned, chewing on his sandwich. He looked up, then down, then up at Kurt, “Why don’t we go to the gym together? I mean if you wanna bulk up you can, it’s just a matter of--”

“No.” He said flatly, scooping a spoonful of yogurt. 

“Okay…” Dave looked away, sipping at his coke. He looked back at Kurt, who looked indifferent. “Hey, I didn’t mean to touch a nerve or anything…” 

“It’s fine.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“You really don’t need to apologize.” 

“I feel like I should.” 

“Hey thanks for getting me food and making sure I’m okay.” He changed the subject in a very characteristic move. “You didn’t have to do this.” 

“I know I didn’t  _ have _ to.” He felt exasperated, wishing Kurt would just accept his gestures, as a friend, or as a lover, or whatever they are at the moment. “Why do you feel like I don’t owe you anything or you don’t owe me anything? I care about you, Kurt.” 

The blonde sighed, then dipped his head underwater, pulling it back out and whipping his hair at the tile wall of the bathtub/shower. “Look, every time I do this it ends up bad, so let’s just not call it anything, okay? I feel like it’s easier that way and nobody gets hurt.” 

It took a moment for that to sink in. He looked at Kurt’s face, which was cool and calm. It only added to his hurt. “So.. basically, we can fuck, but we can’t express any real human emotions to each other? Because you don’t want to get attached to me? You don’t wanna be obligated to have to care about me, is that it?” 

“Dave, I…” 

“No, save it, Kurt.” He got up, putting the bag aside, losing his appetite. “You said what you needed to say. I’m too clingy, it’s all too much for you, and you need space, right? Then have it. I’ll leave you the fuck alone.” Before the blonde could rebuttal he got up and walked out of the bathroom, grabbing his coat and leaving his apartment with tears brimming at the edges of his eyes. 

His heart sank as he began to believe that Krist was right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG THANKS to those of you who have stuck with this one.... sorry for the sporadic updates, life is busy.

“Hey, Dave… I'm uh- still not feeling good, so I'm cancelling rehearsal this week.. was hoping you'd be home so we could talk..” 

Kurt's low, throaty voice scratched through his receiver as his phone recorded the message. He dropped the bags of groceries in his arms, feeling his heart sputter at the sound of his voice. 

“Anyway, when you get this if you could just--” Dave snatched the phone up from its resting place, holding it to his ear and letting out a shaky breath as Kurt's raspy voice purred much closer. “Dave?” 

“Mm?” was all he could manage. 

“Oh, good you're there..” he pulled away from the phone to hack out a painful sounding cough, “Dave, I..” 

“Kurt, you sound terrible. Are you alright?” 

He fell into a coughing fit again. Dave frowned, waiting for his reply. “I think it's just a little pneumonia, I get it every year.” 

“Just a little pneumonia??” 

“I'm fine, listen. I want to apologize for the way I acted last time…” a pause hung between them before Kurt confessed, “I want you around.” 

Just that simple admission was enough to make Dave's heart fall into his stomach. He ached for him. “Kurt,” 

“I have no excuse...” 

Dave hesiated, then sighed, letting out an anxious breath he’d been holding in. The buzzing of the electricity in the phone connection was all that could be heard between them, they each waited for the other to speak. Kurt cleared his throat, speaking first,

“Dave, I… I’m scared if you want to know the truth.” he sounded fragile, voice not rough or deep like usual, instead lilting with a gentle shyness as he admitted, “I’m scared of how I feel about you. I don’t know how to handle it.” he heard him cough, then regain his breath, “I’ve never felt like this before.”

Dave waited, unsure if he should say anything. Mainly, he was afraid to end this moment of truthfulness prematurely, dying to hear everything Kurt wanted to say. 

“I’m sorry if I pushed you away.. It’s because I get scared of how I feel.” 

“Kurt..” he didn’t know where he was going with it. His head was swimming with the confirmation that the man he was rapidly falling in love with was feeling the same way he did. The assurance made his body jitter and his heart want to sing. “I want to be around you always… I can’t sleep when you’re not around, I can’t think, I-” he cut himself off, like pulling a dam closed over a huge river of emotion that almost escaped. “Kurt, will you let me come over there and take care of you?” 

Kurt hissed a chuckle, then coughed, “I’m so damn sick all the time, why don’t you just fucking move in?” 

Why don’t I just fucking move in? He blushed, gulping hard, “Y-yeah why don’t I?”

“You might as well.” Kurt teased, seeing how far Dave would play along before needing to clarify. “I don’t see why not.”

“Kurt… are you being serious?”

“Would you?”

“I.. I mean, yes..” He could feel his face burning, “Don’t you think it’s a little soon?”

“Why, two friends, bandmates, living together? Nothing weird about that.” he could hear the grin in Kurt’s voice. “I’ve lived with people I’ve known for a lot shorter periods of time.” 

“You’re not messing with me?” he was beginning to imagine waking up next to Kurt, eating breakfast with him, doing laundry, writing songs, watching movies, falling asleep together then waking up to do it all again. Just as this new life he imagined materialized in his mind he began to ache for it powerfully. 

“Do you want to move in with me, Dave?” 

…..

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Krist locked eyes with Kurt, holding two tiny squares of paper between his finger and thumb. 

“Yes, for the millionth time!” The eighteen year old huffed and rolled his eyes. Krist chuckled.

“Just making sure.” he stuck out his tongue, Kurt did the same. Slowly, he placed a tab of acid on his own tongue. Right in the middle. Then, he set one gently down on Kurt's tongue. They held their tongues out for a moment before Krist began to close his mouth, Kurt mimicked. 

“Now, we wet it dissowve,” Kurt chuckled as Krist tried to talk without his tongue. They laid back on the fort of blankets, pillows, glow in the dark star stickers and black lights that they'd created for their trip. 

About an hour in Kurt shot up like a bullet, voice quivering, “Kris, there's something in here.” he stared at the corner of the room where he was convinced he was staring at a dark figure that was staring right at him. He covered his ears as it made a horrific screeching noise. “Kris!” he dove into his friend's chest, shaking with fear.

Krist bit his lip as he felt the drug melt away his inhibition. His cheeks began to grow hot as Kurt clung to him like a frightened child. He wrapped his arms around him, speaking slow and calm, 

“Kurt, listen to me, okay?” 

The blonde buried his face in Krist's neck, digging his fingers into Krist's shoulders as he held onto him tight. “You're gonna be just fine, okay? Let's get under some blankets, that way it can't see you, alright?” 

Kurt nodded helplessly, his shoulder-length blonde hair falling over his face as he crawled under a blanket with Krist. He refused to let go of him, clinging to his side, cheek on his chest. 

“Do you feel better?” 

“A little..” 

Krist slipped a hand up under Kurt's shirt, running his hand up the smooth skin of his back. Kurt tensed, looking up at him, “What're you..?” 

“My sense of touch is insane right now..” 

Curious, and high as fuck, Kurt moved a hand up under Krist's shirt, running his fingers across his belly. “Mmm..” Krist turned and pinned Kurt beneath him. 

He nuzzled his nose into his neck, breathing him in, “You smell good.” he ran his hands up and down his torso, under his clothes. “Does that feel good? Anyone ever touch you like that?” 

“N-no..” 

Krist leaned forward to press a hasty kiss to Kurt's lips. He felt the blonde resist and pulled back with hurt in his eyes. 

“I'm sorry.. I'm so high.” 

“Me too.” he scooted away, tucking his hair behind his ear, “That was weird.” he burst into a fit of laughter, tripping and rolling himself up in a blanket. Krist faked a smile, forcing himself to say, 

“So weird…”   
….

Three months later… 

Morning broke out over the coast and gradually dragged sunlight into the city, rising over the murky smoke of the night, dew of the morning coating signs, benches, cars. Kurt sat on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, wearing five jackets, smoking a cigarette perched atop a cheap lawn chair. His eyes stung as the sky indicated that he yet again had another sleepless night and all he had to show for it was a half finished painting, some scribbles in his journal and about six devoured corn dogs. 

His throat felt dry as he swallowed back bile, his stomach relentlessly torturing him for the past… week? He was losing track of time. His stomach combined with the pneumonia was ravaging his immune system. He didn’t notice as Dave joined him outside, too wrapped up in his thoughts. 

He allowed Kurt his silence for a couple of minutes, before softly clearing his throat, speaking in a calm, measured tone, “Good morning.”

Kurt blinked, “Good morning,” his thoughts fell to the background, his eyes falling on Dave’s face, who began to smile shyly, looking out at the street beneath them. He took a long drag of his cigarette before crushing the life out of it, “I hope I didn’t wake you. It looks really early.”

“It’s 5:45.” 

“Fuck.” 

Dave tucked a curtain of long dark hair behind his ear. “You didn’t wake me, I just got up to pee and noticed you weren’t on the couch.” 

“Oh.” Silence fell between them for a few moments. Kurt flicked his cigarette and sighed, 

“I’m fine.” 

“You haven’t slept for three days. What’s bothering you?” Their eyes met as he said that, Dave could see fear and resistance lying under layers of gorgeous cyan blue. “You know you can talk to me about it, right?”

Kurt sighed again, but shook ever so slightly, his shoulders looking deflated. “It’s nothing.” Dave waited patiently for more of an explanation but he got none as Kurt stood, faked a smile, “You wanna go get breakfast?” 

“Kurt…”

“I’m starving, I dunno about you.”

“Kurt, I wanna talk to you.”

He didn’t mean to, but his tone was suddenly sharp as razors, poised at Dave, “Well, I don’t!” He instantly regretted yelling, tearing his eyes away from Dave’s kicked puppy expression, he couldn’t bear it. The look on his face made him feel so guilty. He sighed, upset with himself, walking off into his room. 

Later that night Kurt sat on the couch watching an old gore horror movie he and Krist had seen a hundred times, he wasn’t even watching it, just killing time until Dave got back from a party. He was on his third glass of wine, thinking through different ways to apologize to him, hating the look he’d put on his face. He always ended up hurting everyone around him and he hated it. All his decisions turned out to be bad ones and he felt like he just couldn’t stop fucking up.

He finished his glass, setting it on the coffee table and reaching for his pipe, finishing off the last little corner of green in the bowl. He smoked the rest of it then blew it out, scraping together the last of what was in his grinder to put together a bowl for them to share when he got home, sad to see the last of the weed go and knowing he had no money to buy more. Another hour passed, his movie ended and he checked the microwave behind him, the clock read 1:51. 

‘He must be having a great time,’ he thought to himself. He wondered if he would come home at all, worried at how angry he could really be with him. He wondered if he found some girl to take out his frustrations on, tired of dealing with Kurt’s constant moodiness, uncertainty and back-and-forth antics that defined their murky relationship. He longed for the times when it was innocent and simple, watching a movie together, resting his head on Dave’s shoulder for the first time. 

Or when Kurt woke up in the middle of the night, scared, disoriented, wandering into Dave’s room, crawling under his sheets with him like a kid waking up from a nightmare. He never once kicked him out, instead wrapping his arms around Kurt every time until they fell asleep. He bit his lip, feeling so shitty for ever making Dave upset, feeling forever in debt to the kindnesses he’s shown him. 

He got up to refill his glass of wine as keys jangled outside the door. He tried to pretend he didn’t hear it as Dave walked in, filling his glass and turning to walk back into the living room. Dave had his hair up in a messy bun, his cheeks red, eyes glossy, he swayed slightly in his boots, wearing Doc Marten’s, tight jeans, white tank and a leather jacket. He looked like a proper rocker, cigarette in hand and all. 

Kurt couldn’t help but smile at him, the alcohol making his cheeks burn. Dave plopped himself down on the couch, slurring, “How fucked up are you?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him, retorting, “How fucked up are YOU?” 

Dave shrugged, giggling, “I dunno.”

Kurt set his drink aside, joining Dave on the couch, offering gently, “You wanna smoke a bowl? I saved the last of it for you.” 

“Aww how sweet of you.” Dave chuckled, it looked genuine. Kurt wondered if he remembered this morning. He reached up to let his hair out, shaking it out and shrugging out of his jacket, a whiff of his musky scent slapping Kurt in the face. “Yeah let’s smoke.” 

“Okay,” Kurt handed him the accoutrements, checking him out not-so-sneakily, eyes all over him as he took a hit. Dave caught him, raising an eyebrow and smirking, his one dimple showing. Kurt felt his chest fill up with helium, sighing breathlessly, “You look really good tonight.” 

“Thank you.” He smiled, looking down, then away as he handed Kurt the pipe and lighter. They continued smoking, passing it back and forth, fingers touching more and more with each pass. They kept playing this little game, their game, until Dave finally had enough, weaving his fingers through Kurt’s and capturing his baby blues. “You’re such a tease.” He leaned forward, brushing his nose against Kurt’s neck, planting a soft kiss against his jutting jaw. 

Kurt basically melted into him, the alcohol helping him give into his instincts without his usual fear or nervousness. He reached at Dave’s chin, pulling his face up from his neck, sharing a heated gaze with him before crashing lips to lips. It blew his mind every time. Every time. The softness of Dave’s lips, the gentleness and urgency of his touch accompanied with the hard muscle of his body just blew his mind, the combination was too good to be true and he always felt like Dave might just slip through his fingers. So he had to make sure to hold him tight. Dave broke their kiss with a gasp, voice hoarse and husky, 

“God damn,” He stroked Kurt’s face gently, feeling the light blonde stubble against his fingers, “I love the way you kiss me.” Kurt’s face glowed red, tearing his eyes away from Dave’s, but Dave grabbed his chin, “Hey, don’t look away, pretty eyes.”

Kurt blushed harder, if it was even possible, pushing Dave away, whining, “I told you not to call me that!” Dave just laughed, enjoying himself far too much, grabbing Kurt in a crushing hug, squeezing him tight and kissing his cheek, his forehead, his shoulder even.

“Come to bed with me.” 

Kurt squirmed, “Yeah?” Dave began pulling at his shirt playfully, tugging it up his thin torso. 

“Yeah, I wanna lick that sexy little blonde happy trail.” He growled in his ear, hooking his arms around his hips and lifting Kurt easily, carrying him down the hall toward his bedroom. Kurt protested playfully, wanting it way more than he would ever let on, actually loving how Dave manhandled him. He suckled at his neck until Dave laid him down in the bed, hovering over Kurt as he stood at the side of the bed. He ripped his tank top off, smiling when Kurt’s hands reached up to caress his muscles. 

He pulled Kurt’s shirt up over his head, running his hands over his skinny torso, admiring the pale soft skin, finger trailing down the little patch of hair that ran from below his belly button to his hardening cock. He palmed the growing hardness in his hand, biting his lip in satisfaction as he watched Kurt wince, then whimper for more. He leaned down, still palming him, lips kissing from one nipple to the other, across his chest, down his flat stomach, licking his happy trail like he said he would, hands beginning to work at the button and zipper of his jeans. 

Kurt grabbed handfuls of Dave’s long dark hair, breath becoming uneven, the room feeling smaller, “Dave,” They locked eyes before Dave pulled his jeans down, then his underwear, admiring Kurt as he strained, hard and throbbing, cock twitching with want. Dave pressed it down against his stomach, teasing him as he pushed it against his belly button, then let it go, watching it flip back up to attention. “Daave, stop teasing mee.” 

The brunette chuckled, taking a mouthful of him as Kurt gasped. He reached down to knot his fingers in his long dark hair as his mouth went to work, bobbing up and down, lips and tongue torturing him. “Ohhh, yea-ah,” He let his head fall back, mouth fall open as Dave picked up the pace, making knots form in his low stomach and groin. He felt blood rush south as he bucked up into Dave’s mouth with a moan. 

“Fuck,” he grabbed the drummer’s shoulders, insisting, “Come up here, let me kiss you.” He smiled as he obeyed and began crawling up Kurt’s skinny, naked body. He craned his jaw upward to meet Dave’s lips, running his hands from his bare back down his sides, then to the front of his jeans, which he began desperately working open.

His eyes fluttered as Dave deepened the kiss, reaching up to cup his stubbly jaw, holding him close as he kissed him slow and hard. He helped Kurt get him out of his pants as he got the button and zipper undone, reaching down to pull them off the rest of the way. Kurt whined, tugging on his underwear.

Dave couldn’t help but smile at him and helped himself out of his underwear. Kurt climbed under the sheets, prompting Dave to follow with those watchful, luring blue eyes. He fell into his trap every time, hypnotized each and every single time. Kurt basically leapt at him once he was under the sheets naked with him, snaking his skinny arms around Dave’s torso, tugging and holding him tight as he sucked on his neck, intending to leave a hickey. 

“Stop it!” Dave giggled, whining and trying to fight his embrace, but Kurt flexed his lean little muscles and was able to hold him there, chuckling against his throat and biting down on him. “I don’t want hickeys all over me, Kurt! It looks trashy.” 

“It’s a love bite, not a hickey,” he purred, clarifying, kissing up Dave’s jaw to his ear. 

“Okay, whatever, can you just do them in less visible places, please? We don’t need rumors.” 

“I want to mark you, I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I’ve never been more sober in my life.” He nuzzled his nose into his neck, whispering into his ear, “Let me fuck you, baby,”

Dave couldn’t stifle the giggle that escaped him, he felt his cheeks burn and he turned in Kurt’s arms to look him more serious in the face. He was met with a confident, smirking handsome man lying with his arms folded behind his head, his straining erection pitching a tent in the blanket he was lying under. “So?” he started, a devilish glimmer in his eyes.

Dave responded by climbing up onto his lap and looking down at him before taking both their cocks in his hand and stroking up and down slow. He leaned down over Kurt’s body to kiss him. Kurt kissed back but broke it to suck on his fingers for a second, then moved his hand down to toy with him, smiling then resuming the kiss. 

Dave shuddered as Kurt slipped one knobby, skinny finger in, then out and back and forth as he tried to build up a momentum. He was too dry though and it was starting to sting. Kurt was very attentive and immediately stopped, sitting up and meeting his eyes, “Was I hurting you?”

“Just a little.. I’m sorry, just.. Too dry.” 

“Oh we can fix that.” He smirked, turning to press Dave into the bed, hovering over him then crouching on his knees to take his cock in his mouth. He bobbed back and forth until he was nice and wet, then began to kiss lower, running his tongue up the seam of him, making the brunette shudder. He kissed lower, then lower still, making Dave jolt up in the bed as a completely foreign sensation of a warm tongue brushed the sensitive skin there.

Kurt purred, “Relax,” he moved back up to kiss and suck on his balls again, trying to get him to calm down, hands on the insides of both his warm thighs, holding him spread apart as he kissed and suckled at his feverish skin. “Trust me?”

Dave panted, moaning and squirming in the sheets, “Yes, yes Kurt,”

“Turn over for me,”

Without a thought, he flipped over and blushed as Kurt grabbed his hips and pulled him backward, splaying his ass open before he spit on it, rubbing against his tight muscle with his thumb, his other hand holding his hip, “Is this okay?”

“Mmhm,” 

“Just tell me if it’s too much,” with that, he slipped a finger in, pulling slowly back and forth. Dave mewled into the pillow, clutching the sheets beneath him. He tried to stay focused, reminding himself that this would feel good in a minute, it just takes time. Kurt spit again as he added another finger, beginning to feel around inside him, leaning up over his body, “You’re so tight,”

Dave winced as he added a third and began pumping harder but could feel a small, budding pleasure building up inside him as Kurt’s long fingers stroked against that little bundle of nerves and sensitive walls. Kurt kept fingering as he spit on his hand, slicking up his cock, biting his lip and looking down at his panting, splayed drummer, awaiting him. “Want you so bad.”  
He plunged his fingers deep as he kissed up Dave’s spine, murmuring, “You ready?”

“Yea-ahh,”

“You sure?”

“Yes, Kurt, please!”

Kurt’s expression turned dark, his voice gravelly, “Ooh I like it when you beg. Do it again.” He chuckled as Dave whined, pushing his ass back into Kurt’s hand, grinding against it.

“Please, baby, please,” 

“Please what?”

“Please, Kurt, fuck me! Want you to fuck me so bad, please.” 

“I want you too.” and with that, he removed his fingers and replaced them rapidly with the blunt head of his cock, which made Dave jolt and strain. Kurt snaked his arms around him, holding him down as he pushed further in, biting his hip, “Gguhh, baby, you feel so good.” 

“Kuu-urt!” he whimpered, burning from the fullness, but the worst part is he knew Kurt probably wasn’t even half way in. He bit his lip, trying to be tough, knowing Kurt had been tough for him. But fucking really, for a skinny guy, he was packing some serious heat and Dave wished he was just a little smaller. He couldn’t help but whimper as he felt Kurt push deeper before pulling back, then forward, creating a short, slow rhythm. “Ku-urrt, fuuuck,” 

He submitted to him, pushing his ass back into him, spine curving up to meet him, whimpering into a pillow face down. Kurt couldn’t hide how much he loved it, grabbing his hips as he rocked into him, cooing to him, “Ohh, Davey, baby, you feel so good,”

The brunette pulled his head up out of the pillow to grin, then gasp as Kurt picked up his pace. He loved when Kurt called him pet names and wanted to relish in the moment but couldn’t focus on anything but the hard, large cock knocking into his prostate, knocking the sense out of him. His body went limp and all he could do was hum and moan in pleasure, chanting his name like a prayer. Kurt chased his orgasm, picking up the pace and commanding, “Touch yourself.”

Dave obeyed, stroking his cock in tune with Kurt’s hard thrusts, high-pitched yelps escaping him as Kurt knocked relentlessly into him. He felt a rush of relief as Kurt gripped his shoulders and moaned before pulling out all at once and pumping himself over Dave’s back, groaning as he came in white strips across Dave’s flushed skin, panting, gasping for air and smiling.

…

He woke squinting away from sunlight, turning in a heap of sheets and nuzzling into the warm body beside him. Dave groaned, but turned, wrapping his arms around Kurt, sighing into his skin and absently running fingers through his soft blonde hair. Kurt yawned into Dave’s collarbone, rubbing his nose into him and smiling secretively. They drifted into consciousness softly, slowly becoming aware of the other. 

It was moments like this that Kurt wished would last forever, but that negative, depressed and angry part of him just kept nagging that moments like this were numbered and he didn’t deserve them in the first place. Dave yawned and stretched, rubbing his eyes and kissing Kurt’s temple, “Mornin’.” 

“Morning.” Dave hugged him tighter, closing his eyes and relaxing back into the embrace. Kurt began tracing invisible words into Dave’s chest. He frowned at himself. Dave opened his eyes, seeing his face and frowning in return. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry.” Dave took his chin. 

“Kurt.” he tried to meet his eyes. “Why won’t you open up to me? I don’t wanna just be a fuck buddy, Kurt, I want you to be able to talk to me, to share your thoughts with me, man. I.. Kurt I l-”

“No, please don’t say that.” 

Dave’s big brown eyes sank in defeat, “But, I do lo-”

“Dave.” He cut him off again, looking pained.

“Kurt,” He grabbed both sides of his face, sitting up in the bed with him, gulping, “I love you, Kurt.” something in his blue eyes glimmered but he yanked out of Dave’s hold. “I can’t pretend that I don’t love you anymore, I’ve been in love with you since that night in the dressing room.”

“Really?” Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little, tying to mask the queasiness and butterflies in his stomach swirling like a hurricane. He remembered Dave, drunk, reaching at him and telling him he thought he was sexy. 

“Yes,” Dave looked exasperated. “I thought it was obvious.” 

Kurt shook his head, shaking his hair over his face as he smiled to himself, loving to hear that Dave loved him back. His hands were met by a pair of warm, comforting hands that snaked between the spaces in his fingers, followed by a soft, loving voice that cooed, to him and him alone, “Kurt, there’s nobody like you.”

He scoffed a little, half-smiling. Dave took his dimpled chin in his hand, kissing him soft. “I don’t know what demons you’re fighting but I wish you would let me help you fight them, I hate seeing you hurt.” He kissed down his jaw, “Let me help you.” 

Kurt felt his chin quiver and he hated himself for being so weak. Dave peppered gentle kisses down his throat and he started to cry, crumpling into himself, trying to hide it. Dave just pulled him into a hug, stroking his hair and whispering, “Let it out, Kurt, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

With that, he began to cry harder, clutching Dave hard. He was surprised by how much he’d held inside himself, how many tears he had to cry and how violently they needed to come out of him. This cry left him feeling weak, dehydrated, drained of everything. He soaked Dave’s chest, leaving himself breathing jagged sharp breaths, Dave cooing, “Deep breaths, deep breaths…”

He laid him into the bed, still stroking his hair gently, kissing his cheek, “It’s okay, you’re safe here. I’ve got you.” He laid beside him, holding him close and promising, “I’ll take care of you, you just have to let me. I love you so much, I’m never gonna stop loving you.” Those words pushed Kurt into a bigger crying fit, leaving him shaking, hyperventilating. Dave didn’t know what to do, he was completely inconsolable. He got up, “I’ll get you water.” 

When he re-entered the room with a cup of water, Kurt was sitting up in bed, eyes red and hair tangled from the fit he’d just thrown. Dave sat beside him, offering him the water and putting an arm around his shoulders, “If you need to get something off your chest, you should just do it. You know I have nobody to tell and you know I love you too much to ever tell your secrets.”

Kurt met his eyes, which were that strong, warm mahogany color he’d grown to seek solace in, to confide in. His lip quivered as he looked down at his fingers, deciding he was finally ready to let this part of his life go. It was time to tell someone. “Dave,” He met his sweet brown eyes again, then had to break from them as he began, barely above a whisper, “Wh-when I was sixteen… I…” he gulped, losing his nerve but fighting to get it out, “Someone… a friend of Krist and I’s.. he.. I.. he..” his voice was trembling too much to speak it, but he didn’t need to because Dave already knew. 

Initially anger coated his veins and he wanted to punch his fist through the guy’s skull, then he grabbed the water cup from Kurt so he wouldn’t spill it as he opened his arms up to him, offering a hug. His heart broke as Kurt collapsed weakly into his arms. He wrapped his arms around him tight, rocking him back and forth in his hold and whispering against his ear, where he planted kisses, “I’m so sorry, baby,” He pulled their bodies down into the bed, where he turned so he could spoon Kurt, who turned in his arms to press his face against his chest. 

“Don’t stop holding me.” he murmured against his collarbone, where he cuddled, arms tucked up against Dave’s chest, legs tangled with his, trying to remind himself he was safe. 

“Not until you say so.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> riding this wave of inspiration while I have it yeeeeeee

“Let’s try that one again, but I’m gonna tune down a little.” Kurt muttered, barely moving his jaw to speak, rather letting his lips rest as the words slid out of his mouth unenthusiastically. A clump of blonde hair hung in front of his eyes, tickling his nose and upper lip as it rested, he flipped his head back while his fingers worked over the tuning pegs. It required actual conscious, continual reminders to himself for Dave not to stare at him. Every ten seconds or so he would tear his gaze away to make sure Krist wouldn’t catch him staring. 

Things were less tense since the time he’d dropped a beer in his kitchen after Krist’s accusation about their relationship. They hadn’t spoken about their relationship since then. He wondered if Krist and Kurt had spoken about it in private. He wondered what Krist would ask or what Kurt was willing to tell him. Dave tried to remain ambiguous but his facial expressions were transparent and his reactions very telling. He would blush, twitch or stutter and he couldn’t ever stop himself from doing it. 

His mind drifted to the last time Kurt had clapped his hand over Dave’s mouth, hoarsely whispering in his ear as he thrust into him, “Shhh, you’re gonna wake the whole floor.” He could still hear the muffled chuckle he made after shushing him with stunning clarity. It wasn’t the first time Dave had been a little too loud during and Kurt had shushed him, either with his lips or long fingers, always smiling that devilish dimpled grin. 

Dave simply couldn’t hide how much he loved it and how good every kiss and touch felt. Kurt wore a better poker face. 

“Alright. I’m ready now.” Kurt nodded upward at him with a small grin that made his heart sputter as he blinked out of his daydream and lifted his drumstick, tapping a beat for them to begin to. They worked through the song Kurt was currently calling, “Podunk Funk” which he didn’t have lyrics for yet, just a melody. They followed his lead with the melodies, they just poured out of him. Dave liked to think he was a good musician, but what Kurt had was just something else that he couldn’t explain. 

They played up till about where Kurt wanted to put the second verse but stopped as he got irritated and slammed his hand down on his fretboard, “Fuck, wait, stop, I don’t like how that sounds.” 

“Don’t like how _ what _ sounds, Kurt?” Krist yawned, making micro-aggressions toward the clock on the wall, hoping Kurt would notice they were way past their usual two hour rehearsal time. They’d come in at 4 and it was nearly 9pm. Dave smiled and waited for him to grow the balls to say that he was done. 

“The drums.” Dave felt a twinge of surprise as Kurt turned his piercing eyes on him. He was all business, all seriousness during rehearsal and it was as if they weren’t anything and the way Kurt made that easy disconnect always scared Dave, afraid he could just make the switch at any time and leave him. He wasn’t looking for special treatment… but there was no sense of playfulness or nuance, he was  _ dead serious _ about his music. “They need to be harder in the beginning and gradually build into a faster beat.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought that’s what I was doing.” 

“It needs to be louder.”

Dave clenched his jaw in frustration, feeling the fatigue of the near five hour rehearsal really set into his muscles and bones. He sighed, putting his drumsticks aside, looking up at him, showing him he wasn’t afraid when he said, “Look, why don’t we just call it a night? We’ve been in here for five hours now Kurt and I can’t drum any fucking harder tonight.” 

He could feel the lactic acid build up start to break his arms into pieces, segments as they began to pound and ache. Kurt gave him a hard cold stare but ended up flipping his hair over his face, taking his guitar off his shoulder, “Fine.” 

“Kurt,” He tried, but the blonde grabbed his water bottle, coat and walked out into the hallway. Dave rolled his eyes, knowing they’d drove together and he had the keys in his pocket so all Kurt could do was go outside, pout and smoke a cigarette. He cast a glance at Krist, sighing, “That was fun.” 

Krist stretched after setting his bass down, trying to crack his neck, groaning, “He’s a total control freak.” He pulled his jacket on, grabbing his keys out of his pocket, yawning and nudging at Dave with his elbow, “When’s the last time you  _ took care _ of him, eh?” 

Dave raised his eyebrows, his mouth falling open at the insinuation. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, please, Dave, I’m not a fucking idiot. You guys live together.” He smiled at Dave’s red face as his big brown eyes just stared straight at the floor, his embarrassment palpable. He saw him gulp as he slipped his jacket on. He waited for Dave’s response, but he could do nothing but blush and stare at his feet. Krist chuckled and started walking out of the rehearsal room, Dave followed behind and locked the door behind them. They walked silently down the hallway before Krist stopped him right before the exit door, grabbing a handful of Dave’s flannel, 

“Listen, Dave…” Their eyes met, “I’m sorry for how I acted that time at my house… I was really fucked up and I said some shit I shouldn't have.. I really am hoping for the best for you guys.” His voice turned melancholy at the end.

Dave opened his mouth, trying to come up with the “right” or “clever” thing to say. He ended up just bumbling, “Thanks,” He looked down at Krist’s fist holding his jacket. 

“You probably hate me.”

“What? Krist… why would I hate you?”

“For the shit I said about him…” 

“No, I.. I appreciate your honesty. It’s just hard information to swallow when you’re in love with the guy, y’know?” 

Krist studied his expression.

“You’re in deep, huh?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Someone passed in the hallway, ending their conversation until they went through a door. Dave looked up at Krist with an exasperated, confused expression.

“He’s got you wrapped around his finger.” 

“So what if he does? Why do you always make it out to be like he’s some bad guy doing this all to hurt me?” He pulled out of Krist’s grip, stepping backward, filling his chest with air, trying to raise his confidence as he said, “Have you considered that maybe he likes to be with me too? That maybe he loves me too?” He felt his voice climb, getting angrier as he said, “Plus, none of this is any of your business in the first place!”

“None of my business?” Krist mocked, incredulous. “Are you fucking kidding me, none of my business?” He took a step back, considering whether or not to get nasty with him, trying to keep his cool before he said something he’d regret. 

“Kurt does not  _ belong  _ to you! You don’t have a say over who he chooses to be with, just because he doesn’t want to be with  _ you _ !” 

A heavy, uncomfortable silence hung between them. Krist’s instinct was to reach out and grab him by the throat and choke him for saying it but he reeled it in, taking a deep breath and stepping another stride backward. “Don’t fucking go there, Dave.” 

“What, it’s the truth! Let’s fucking talk about it! I’m sick of pussy-footing around this bullshit, let’s fucking talk about how we feel like goddamn adults.” Dave’s voice increased in ferocity, this sudden wave of defensiveness, jealousy and anger fueling him like gasoline to a fire. The emotions just continued to build and with each passing second he saw Krist more and more as the enemy to his happiness with Kurt. He took an aggressive step closer. “You got a problem with me? Fucking say it!”

Krist grit his teeth, hissing, “You think you’re such a wonderful friend to him? You can solve all his problems?”

“Oh and you do? I doubt you even fucking know what his problems are!”

“Are you shitting me? I’ve known him since he was a fucking fifteen year old child, fuck off!”

“Yeah and you did so much to be there for him, then, huh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t even know.”

“Know what?”

In Dave’s anger toward Krist he totally skimmed over the part of his brain that warned that this was sensitive information as he roared at him, “Know that a fucking friend you and him hung out with took advantage of him when he was sixteen? Did you have any idea? Any way of protecting him?”

Krist stopped, looking at him, looking for a sign that he was lying. “What?”

As it sunk in, Dave realized he’d made a mistake by saying that. 

“Who? What friend? Did he say who?”

Dave stepped backward, his anger gone, now replaced with anxiety, knowing he shouldn’t have said this. 

“Who, Dave?!” He grabbed the collar of his shirt, shaking him. 

He muttered, “He didn’t say. I didn’t ask.” Krist let him go. He stepped back, just looking overwhelmingly sad. “Listen.. I shouldn’t have said anything about that. Kurt told me that in confidence… and I… I shouldn’t have used it to make you out to be a bad friend… I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me..” 

Krist just kept on staring, looking like he was going back in time through his memories, trying to figure out who. 

Dave scrambled, “Please don’t say anything to him, please don’t ask him. He’ll be so upset.” 

A knock sounded against the exit door, making them both jump. Kurt hollered, “What the fuck is taking you two so long?! I’m freezing my ass off out here!” 

Dave choked a little, then opened the door, meeting his ferocious eyes as he snapped, “What the fuck? Did you fucking forget I was standing out here?” 

“I’m sorry.” he felt numb as he walked toward Kurt’s beat up car, turning the key in the door. Krist muttered a goodbye to Kurt and walked off to his van, staring straight ahead like a zombie. As they settled into their seats and Dave fired up the car Kurt turned to him, hands tucked under his armpits, shivering and hissing, 

“Wh-what the fuck was that about?” 

He tried to come up with something but all the lies he could think of sounded stupid and he knew Kurt would just figure out the truth one way or another. He sighed, turning the heat on, “Krist and I got into an argument.” 

“Over what?”

“Over you.” 

Kurt blinked, taken aback. “Me?”

“Yes.”

“What about me? In what context?”

He was tired of protecting Krist’s feelings, stating bluntly, “He’s jealous that we’re together.” 

Kurt’s face crumpled, eyebrows lifting, then falling, struggling to understand. He looked up at Dave to see if there was a trace of humor, it had to be a joke. “Are you being serious?"

“Yes.” Dave looked at him with tired eyes. He yawned, buckling his seatbelt and moving the car into drive, “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah…” he stared out the window.

…

A piercing, annoying ring cut through layers of sleep. His eyes scrunched, followed by his nose, then his mouth as it twitched then moved into a yawn. One arm shot up to grab a pillow to cover his head from the shrill noise. It just continued, so he grumbled, opening his eyes with protest and reaching at his bedside telephone. 

“Wha-?” 

A purring, low, scarily familiar voice sounded, “Oh, perfect, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to reach you.”

His eyes snapped open, then his mouth as he shivered, “Sh-shane?”

Sure enough, it was the voice of his living nightmare on the other end of the line, coaxing, “I want you to come over, Kurt, I have some really special stuff for you.” 

“N-no, I c-c I can’t.” it surprised him how quickly the paralyzing fear spread through his veins.

“You forgot something here.” His voice became sinister, just like he remembered, “You need to come get it.” 

“ _No_!!” He shot up out of bed, gasping, panting, reaching around him in darkness and hyperventilating. A pair of arms soon found him in the darkness, but he jolted away from them, his mind still stuck in the nightmare as he screamed in panic, “NO, stay away from me! NO!” 

He immediately let go of him, “Kurt! It’s me, Dave, Kurt, you’re safe, it’s okay!” 

The blonde blinked a little, still confused and half asleep, reaching around him, asking softly, “Dave?” His hand found Dave’s chest.

“Yes, Kurt, it’s me. Just me.” His heart was pounding a little irregularly from the sudden attack, trying to stay level-headed for Kurt. “You’re okay, baby, nobody here but us.” 

“Dave,” his voice broke and he snuggled up into him, wrapping his arms around his torso, tickling his skin with his blonde hair. Fingers began to stroke through that hair, making him close his eyes as he began to calm down, hugging Dave tight to him. The brunette pressed a kiss into his temple, stroking his cheek,

“You’re safe. It was just a nightmare, Kurt, I’m here.” 

The smaller, shaken man sighed into the warm skin of Dave’s chest, breathing heavier and heavier, trying to ground himself here. He listened to the rhythmic thud of Dave’s heart in his chest. “I’m sorry about that.”

Dave shrugged, “It’s not your fault, you don’t need to apologize.”

“But, still, if I scared you or anything… I’m sorry.” He sat up, putting his head in his hands, feeling helpless, “I thought I was past this.”

“You are. It’s just… sometimes our bodies hold stronger memories than our brain is able to block out.” Their eyes met, shining in the darkness. Dave offered a smile, “There’s no easy or right way to recover, we all do it differently. The important thing is that you’re moving on.” 

Kurt nudged into him, prompting Dave to wrap his arms around him, he returned the gesture, hugging Dave tight, speaking into his neck, “How’d you get so wise?”

He laughed, “Oh, trust me, I’m not wise. My mom just gives really good advice.” 

“And you listened to it… that’s the wise part.” He pulled back to press a kiss to Dave’s plump, sumptuous lips. Dave kissed back, putting a hand on Kurt’s shoulder, holding him close. Kurt tilted his head to deepen the kiss before pulling back, pecking his cheek teasingly, licking his lips, “Mmm,”

“You are too fuckin’ much.” he reached out to poke his nose, grinning.

“You love it.”

“You’re right, I do love you.”

Kurt hid bashfully in the blankets, squirming away from him into the fetal position. Dave responded by wrapping his arms around him, spooning him and sighing into his shoulder. He wasn’t one to push. He would wait as long as it took for Kurt to say he loved him back. Until then he’d just keep on loving him. 

As they lied there, spooning, they gradually drifted back to sleep just as the sun started climbing the buildings.

…

The first time Dave found a needle he was legitimately confused. He pondered if Kurt had diabetes and had forgot to mention it, or maybe it was a flu shot. He thought about confronting him but figured it was such a weird thing that there was no way it would happen again. When he found the second needle the confusion deepened. The third was genuinely upsetting and he knew he had to say something but a huge part of him just wanted to pretend nothing was happening and continue living his happy little domestic life with him, bandmates, roommates, lovers on the side. He was happy, he was content. So finding the needles really threw a wrench into everything.

He decided to do it after they’d had sex, both of them regaining their breath, cleaning themselves off and climbing back into Kurt’s bed. The blonde snuggled up into him and the butterflies in Dave’s stomach clouded his mind and he lost the courage to say anything. He just wanted to hold onto his little piece of perfect for as long as he could. Kurt made him feel complete. He felt normal for once in his life and his throat clogged up, preventing him from saying anything that might threaten this.

He knew it was selfish, he watched Kurt’s mood swings, he saw him nod off, he noticed his impatience in rehearsal, how he snapped at people more often. But when they were alone together all of the other shit melted away and it just became about them again and Dave honestly couldn’t care less what Kurt was on as long as he was with him. Who was he to tell a grown man how to deal with his life anyway? But he had a responsibility to his friend. He fought with himself non stop, thoughts constantly running through his mind of what was right, what was wrong and what the reality was. 

He and Krist didn’t talk about Kurt anymore because it always ended up being a fight. Instead when they hung out they would talk about him and Shelli or new albums coming out… filler, anything that kept the real problems at bay. Neither of them wanted to face the real issues happening or the slow deterioration of their friend. They knew it would get them nowhere with him and it also ran the risk of him throwing them out of his life, which neither of them could or would risk. 

Kurt was starting to get messier if it were even possible. The apartment was constantly littered with clothes, art supplies, fast food bags and other miscellaneous garbage that Kurt seemed to constantly spawn. Dave was starting to get fed up with his laziness, it slowly began affecting their relationship. Kurt started to hang out with different friends, people neither Dave or Krist had ever hear of.

The worst, the first night that Kurt came home smelling of perfume, alcohol and distinct pussy smell Dave burst into tears and locked himself in his room. Kurt had banged against the door, pleading, making excuses, bargaining, then as the night dragged on he eventually ended up sleeping right there on the floor against Dave’s door long after the brunette had cried himself to sleep. 

When he woke in the morning and got up to use the bathroom he couldn’t help but feel a little spark in his belly as Kurt’s sleeping figure fell through the door frame, being dropped awake against the carpet. He tried his best poker face, holding his lips together as he stepped over his startled frame, hurrying away to the bathroom. He flinched, horrified, as a bony hand caught his ankle, 

“Dave,”

“No, I am not speaking to you.” He tugged his leg, trying to break from his hold.

“Dave, please,”

“I need to piss, Kurt! I can piss on you if you want, in fact I’d love to, you fucking ASSHOLE!” He was in tears again as he yanked his leg free once and for all, stomping off to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. 

Kurt sat, pathetic, without excuses, watching him leave for the first of many times. 


End file.
